The ramblings of a somewhat bawdy, opinionated, pop-culture-loving thirty-some-year-old woman who feels like sharing her random thoughts with the world.
I first heard this song back when Thor came out on DVD. (I never went to see the first one in the theater because it didn't interest me. Ha! How times have changed.)
The quality of this video is terrible. I apologize, but I can't seem
to find any others on the interwebs.
Not long after that, I ended up downloading Wasting Light because I was in desperate need of new music and though I'd never really considered myself a Foo Fighters fan before, I didn't really mind them. As the album became part of my running playlist, and I listened to it more and more, it (along with the rest of the band's music) really grew on me. But this song always stuck out and it was one of my favorites.
Fast forward to this year.
There are certain songs that I can identify with certain phases of this carcinoma adventure. I still can't listen to Pharrell's Happy without feeling nauseous. I hear Katy Perry's Roar and think of the car ride to the hospital on mastectomy day. But this song...let me give you a scene.
It was about a month after my mastectomy and I could finally start getting some exercise. Nothing too major yet - I had to ease my way back into physical activity. I was still bouncing back from everything my body had been through, chemo, fatigue, weight gain, major surgery, having my pectoral muscle re-attached over a foreign object, physical therapy. I decided at least I could start by walking my old jogging route. I put on my running shoes, cued up my old running playlist and headed out.
It felt good to be out there getting fresh air again, feeling like I was doing something good for myself. About 15 minutes into my walk, this song came on, and though I'd heard it hundreds of times before, the lyrics hit me differently. A smile came over my face and my pace increased. And then it hit this part:
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
That first decline another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
And running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever
Whatever!
Forever
Whatever!!
I was still smiling, I was still walking fast, but now tears were streaming down my cheeks. That's when it hit me that this was exactly what I was living. This was the song that would always remind me of getting back up after the crap that I'd been through. This was me not being complacent, not feeling sorry for myself, but moving forward, doing what I can to keep myself healthy, living my life as fully as I can, and being the best person I can be in the time I have left in this life - be it ten years or forty.
This, my friends, is why this song that many people feel has been tremendously overplayed means the world to me.
And the fact that it's in Thor doesn't hurt.
*I am so sorry to use that phrase, but now you understand why.
Oh, I liked it when it first came out. It was a great feel good song that was bouncy and fun. But then an unfortunate series of events happened and now because of it, I feel sick every time I hear it.
Not long after I started all of my testing and right around the time I started chemo, the hubby set this as his ringtone. It was something happy to hear when we weren't always feeling that way. Right after my second cycle of chemo, I ended up getting a horrid sinus cold and I was basically dead to the world. I was in bed for three days straight and felt like death. I had no energy to do anything but sleep, rest, and dwell on chemo.
Through these three days, the hubby's sister kept calling. And calling. And calling. I don't even remember what the drama was, but I was constantly hearing the chorus of Happy and it was making me extremely un-Happy.
And the dwelling on chemo part? I was in the midst of the worst part of my treatments - The Red Devil. It didn't make me nauseous the way it does many women, but I sure did dread it. I couldn't stand looking at any red liquids because they reminded me of the toxin-filled syringes that they pumped into me every cycle. I couldn't smell certain antiseptic smells without being whisked back to the chemo chair in my brain. It wasn't the treatment itself, but the thought of it that was making me want to hurl. And all I could muster the energy to do was think.
So, you put two and two together: The incessant tune of Happy coming from my husband's phone and my chemo dwelling, and the two became synonymous. Now I hear Happy and I want to vomit.
The three of us like to listen to music in the mornings as we're getting ready for our day. There's usually one point in the mornings where we're all in separate rooms listening to our own music. I had to laugh when I realized what different playlists we were listening to.
Bathroom 1: The hubby. 90's "alternative"
Bathroom 2: The son. An odd mix of video game soundtracks, eminem, and current rock
Kitchen: Me. Gypsy jazz manouche with a little Edith Piaf thrown in
Now, play all three of these at the same time, and you have a morning in the life of us. (Our neighbors must love us.)
Ah, how I love this song / video. No, it's not artistry at its finest - by a long shot - but it takes me right back to the peak of the 80's. Kitschy soundtrack song, clips of one of my favorite movies of all time, Lionel Ritchie in amazingly huge shoulder pads, the light/fog tunnel, Baryshnikov & Helen Mirren....
I LOVE THIS VIDEO!
I just had to share it with my friends because I figured you could use the flashback as well. Say you, say me, y'all!
Oh, and for an added bonus, at no extra charge, I'll throw in this video of Fergie singing the same song to some creepy pedophile-esque clown on Kids, Incorporated.
This song popped up on my iPod, so I was going to find the video and post it here as a "Yeah, I'm feeling this today" post, but then I found this lovely gem of a performance...
Not only is it the song that I was looking for, but this video oozes so much 80's awesomeness that it could bleed neon pink and aqua blue. It was Solid Gold! I freaking loved that show! I wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer when I grew up! Badly lip-synced performances, cheesy dance routines, Marilyn McCoo interrupting the song for no reason whatsoever and lamely swaying to a beat all her own, realizing why some one-hit wonders were limited to one hit since they had faces for radio, crimped hair and headbands!
Ah, the nostalgia.
And now someone just broke my stride... *sigh*
Carry on....
Ever since I heard this song for the first time at the beginning of the year, it gets stuck in my head and stays there for days upon end.
It's there again, so in an effort to release it from the clutches of my brain, I'm sharing it with the rest of you. As an added bonus (whether you care or not) I'm including the making of the song, from the movie Sound City (highly recommended, by the way). It's so cool to see how it all comes together.
We all have a few albums that we can listen to from beginning to end, without skipping any songs, over and over and over again without ever getting sick of them. Sometimes you have to find yourself in the right mood first. Sometimes you have to feel reflective or nostalgic before you put it on, but once you do you're instantly engrossed - humming or singing along with every song, transported to another time or place. One of these albums for me is Sarah McLachlan's Fumbling Towards Ecstasy.
The album was released in 1993, but I never heard it until '97 or '98. I remember it was in my friend's car and even though we were busy talking, I kept pausing and listening to the music. It was like I'd heard the whole album before even though it was the first time. Within a few days, I went out and bought the CD for myself.
From the first song, I knew it was going to be put into heavy rotation on my stereo (ah, the memories of the 5-CD changer). It was haunting, simple yet complex; full of emotion, yet not melodramatic. The melody and the harmonies intertwined in something that was completely organic. It was almost perfection.
As time went on, I found other music that fit more with where I was in my life and I stopped listening to it as often. With the arrival of mp3's, the CD collection that I had was thinned out, but this was one of the few that I kept. It's sitting in a box in a closet somewhere with a few select others.
Today was one of those days when the mood was right. I've now listened to this album twice so far and am guessing it will probably be at least once more before I move on.
What are the albums that you can listen to over and over without ever getting sick of them?
I've been in a bit of a funk this week. Melancholy, down, spacey, blah. I hate that kind of funk.
In an effort to drag myself out of it, I'm posting a whole slew of "funky" music. Stuff with the word "funk" associated with it - not necessarily true funk music...at all.
Because I'm extremely frustrated, in need of an escape, have no money with which to do so, need a new job, wish the school year was over so I wouldn't have to force my kid to do homework without feeling the need to tie him to a chair to do so, yadda, yadda, yadda, I've found myself looking for items that I loved as a child. Here are some that I've found that will hopefully bring a smile to your face as well.
Doesn't this just reek of being a kid - and not a bad reek, more like a bread was baking in the oven, but it's been sitting on the counter for a while kind of reek.
I played with this thing a ton!
And I was a Barbie freak. I had this one - thought the astronaut by day/party girl by night outfit with shoulder-poufs the size of Alaska were something to aspire to. "We girls can do anything!"
Zug-zug
White Nights - I've watched this movie hundreds of times and never tire of it.
I was also a Michael Jackson fanatic back in the days of Thriller, but looking back, I think my favorite album of his was Off The Wall. It was him before he started going a little off-kilter.
Yup. Had it. Most of my "Ponies" were unicorns and pegasuses (or is it pegasi?) Hard to stick a sunbonnet on a unicorn.
And last but certainly not least.....
Our old pal, Grover. Who didn't love Grover? He was sweet, friendly, sometimes even Super. He was the epitome of childhood innocence, 20x better than Elmo,
and thankfully we never realized how similar his voice was to Yoda's.
Because I seem to be having a low day today, (feeling fat, old, stuck, melancholy, ancient, achy, unaccomplished, uninteresting, lethargic, and did I mention old?), I decided to try to enlighten and enrich my day with this Massive Attack song. I'm not sure that it worked, but it still has a good message so I thought I'd share it with you.
Okay, after all this seriousness and ickyness and deep thought, it's time for me to throw some stuff into the universe that makes me laugh, dance, giggle and swoon.
H-A-Double P-I-N-E-Double S
Darth Vader and Pee Wee? Together? This makes my little heart squee!
Even the God of Thunder gives peace a chance.
How can you turn this song on and not shake your booty?
This song is completely different than the one above, but it makes me bounce around...no booty shaking, just bouncing...and smiling.
The fact that it's time to watch this movie again makes me happy
Ugh! This little community has been through so much lately. We've lost so many people in a very short amount of time and it makes this dark cloud of sorrow hover over everyone. It doesn't always rain, but it certainly isn't letting much sun seep through. There have been so many times when I've had a line from Bram Stoker's Dracula run through my head: "Take me away from all this death." I'm not immediately affected by the losses, but my friends are and seeing them hurt that much makes me hurt. My ability to push away the sadness from that and stresses from other things weakened earlier in the week and I broke down. I mean, I was a blubbering mess for half an hour. My poor husband...
Had I let myself cry a little bit here and there when I felt like it, maybe I wouldn't have gone on that long. (Another one of life's lessons that I never heed.) I should have listened to these songs to get me going. Maybe they can help you let it out sometime in the future when you need it.
Madonna: Promise to Try
Peter Gabriel: Washing of the Water
John Denver & The Muppets: Where the River Meets the Sea
There was major famine in Ethiopia. (Coincidentally, I had just been part of a "school Olympics" team and we had picked the country of Ethiopia out of a hat to represent. I never made the connection. My blond hair, blue eyes and extremely pale skin did not really represent Ethiopia well.)
A couple of people had the idea to get a huge group of celebrities together and do a song to help raise money for famine relief.
The group was called Band Aid, and the song - "Do They Know It's Christmas?"
A wonderful cause to get behind. All of those famous people. (Um, did anyone tell Bananarama that they were filming a video? Way to dress for the occasion.) Wow!
But let's take a moment and look at those lyrics, shall we?
"We let in light and we banish shade."
Isn't the light and the lack of shade one of the problems? They needed shade...clouds...RAIN! Don't banish the one thing that might help them.
"Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time."
This was 1984...the Reagan era. I think we had plenty of arms around the world...year-round.
Then we get melodramatic: "...And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom."
Clanging chimes of doom? When doom comes, is it accompanied by chimes? Is there a constant clanging going on in the plains of Africa? I get it - it's supposed to be poetic, but it's a stretch. Personally, I'd rather have the Doom Song sung by Gir...
Then enter awesome Bono solo. Everybody sing along.... "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of youuuuuuuu!"
"And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime."
Well no shit, Sherlock. First-off, Ethiopia itself lies between latitudes 3° and 15°N. (Okay, I had to look up those actual numbers) This means it's just north of the equator. Its altitudes aren't extremely high, so this means no snow. Secondly, the rest of Africa, which is now being lumped as a whole in the song, is quite large and though they might get some snow in Morocco waaaayyyy up in the mountains around Christmas, the countries south of the equator are just beginning summer in December. If they get snow in South Africa - it will be in August. Didn't you pay attention in school?
"Do they know it's Christmastime at all?"
Actually, they celebrate Christmas in January. And it's not called Christmas, it's called Ganna. And it's not about gift-giving. You can read more about it here.
Ah well, it still raised a whole-lotta money for a good cause. I still listen to it every year...and chuckle...and sing along with Bono.
Ummm...she's old. Very old. Isn't she in her nineties? And why are you popping up on my breaking news feed?
Yes, I made the mistake of putting entertainment news headlines on my internet home page, but that's because I like reading about movies and music...not celebrities. There should be a difference.
I don't care if Susan Sarandon made a comment about Nazis. I don't care if Lindsay Lohan is going to jail, drinking again, or posing for Playboy. I didn't follow the trial of Michael Jackson's doctor, I don't keep up with the Kardashians, and I really don't care what Donald Trump has to say about anything.
What is the fascination that the world has with celebrities' lives? Why does it matter who they marry or date or go to a party with and why should anything they say about anything other than their own area of expertise have any bearing on our day-to-day lives? I just don't get it!
Even if you're like me and don't watch E! or Bravo to know what's going on with these people 24/7, all you have to do is go to any supermarket checkout counter and you're bombarded with headlines about cheating spouses, tv stars' weight loss tricks, the latest celeb baby. Ugh! (I miss the days of the Weekly World News and Bat Boy. At least that was entertaining.)
I guess I'll have to remove the entertainment headlines from my homepage and just get my movie/tv/music news somewhere else. Well, for that matter I need a place where I can find news in general that isn't full on sensationalism , celebrity and spin. Any suggestions?
Oh it's been a week. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, this is nuthin' but on a day to day basis things can get a little overwhelming. Between my toast-eating-inducing day on Tuesday and whiskey-chugging-inducing day yesterday (I won't even get into it), things have been a bit stressful.
Yes, I complain. I wallow...for a little while. Heck, I even cried the other day - and that's something I rarely do! But I also know that these minor annoyances are nothing compared to the things other people have to deal with every day. I still have an awesome, thoughtful husband who I'm still in love with, a great kid who is well behaved, kind, loving, and smart (especially when he actually does his homework).. We have a great place to live. I have a steady job (that I can't stand, but in these times I have to keep reminding myself that I still have a steady job). We live from paycheck to paycheck, but at least we make it (with a lot of MacGyvering on paying things), we have food to eat, clothes to wear (but this kid really has to stop growing so fast), cable, phones, internet... We make it work. Barely. But we do.
So, I'm turning my attitude around...again. I'm smiling, bouncing around to this awesome Ella Fitzgerald tune, and getting high.
On life.
(Sorry, I'm one of the few people in the world who has never actually gotten high. Unless you count when I was on codeine after my tonsillectomy at the age of 17 and I had to go to Chicago and tour the college I was planning on attending and we decided to go to the Observatory at the John Hancock Building which also happened to have the fastest elevator in the world at the time. Wooosh! Yeah. That was a little trippy.)
I've gotten into the habit of running 5K 3-4 times a week. It takes me about an hour when you factor in the walking to where I start running and the walking back home. That's a lot of time! And when you're almost always following the same route (with minor variations now and then) you can get pretty bored and lose interest. When that happens, you start focusing on all the little pains and try to figure out just how much more time you have to be out there and if you can make it and then maybe you can cut the time down just a little bit and it's not such a big deal...etc. Maybe it's just me.
Anyway, this is why my iPod is my best friend on my runs. I can sing along (silently, in my head), run to the beat of the music (which can be a total help toward the end when I want to slow down), and focus on something other than my aching shins. Here are some of my favorite songs to run by:
Lose Yourself - Eminem: I think this is basically standard for people who listen to music when they run. The driving beat really keeps you going.
Hey Ya - Outkast: I never really liked this song. I still don't like it, but again the beat keeps me going.
Rockafeller Skank - Fatboy Slim: It's the perfect pick me up when I start slowing down. I smile when it happens to pop up and kick my ass into gear.
Rebel Yell - Billy Idol: This one used to pop up on a specific running playlist that I had in the winter just when I was about to give up. Somehow I timed it just right.
Revolution - The Beatles: This one's slow, and I don't go along with the pace, but it always makes me think of the old Nike commercial.
Just about anything by the Beastie Boys: As long as it's over a minute long. I hate those short little interludes that pop up in my shuffle.
Wasting Light album - Foo Fighters: This one took me a little while to warm up to, but now that I have it really keeps me going - especially when I've had a bad day.
One thing I do not listen to...anything from any Rocky soundtrack. Blech! I know it works for some people but just thinking about Stallone makes me want to throw up. That's not very effective as a motivational tool.
It's cold, windy and rainy outside. I'm sitting in my office not feeling like doing anything. My mind races from point A to point B to point Q and around again. No clear thoughts, just bits and pieces of daydreams and memories and song lyrics and photos and tasks that I need to try to remember. It would be a great day to lounge around at home alone listening to music, singing along, dancing around the house and just being free to whatever whim possesses me at that moment. But here I sit at a computer trying to look productive for another 4 1/2 hours, hoping that nobody gives me any actual work to do. If my thoughts aren't even streamlined enough to write a good blog post today, writing a contract would certainly not be the wisest idea.
I had to laugh when "TiK ToK" started playing on my iPod. You know, the first popular song by the young lush, Ke$ha. (The dollar sign in the middle of her name lets you know, before you even see her, that she oozes class.) So why do I have it on my iPod? Because it's so stupid, of course, same reason I have a few Lady Ga Ga and Britney Spears songs. They make you bounce, but lack substance and you feel silly dancing to them.
Anyway, this particular song always brings many questions to my mind as I'm sure it does with other people. Maybe in the time since it was originally released people have been able to find out the answers and will enlighten me. This is what I wonder:
"Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy:" Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Does he wake up feeling refreshed and like the king of the world, or is he exhausted from the constant partying, name changing, fashion designing and producing, hung over and wondering who's laying next to him?
"Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack:" Is this a new dental secret? See, I would imaging that the sugars in the whiskey would only further eat away at the enamel on your teeth - not clean away the plaque. Sure, the alcohol might kill off some of the nasty-ass germs partying in that mouth, but I don't think it's really enough to be considered a helpful thing. Certainly not a breath freshener...well, who knows what was in her mouth the night before. Personally, I think too much brushing with Jack could lead to teeth looking like Jack - Captain Jack Sparrow. Maybe that's the mom in me.
"Boys blowing up our phones:" I would assume being a tad (ahem) younger than myself, she and her friends can't live without their phones, so why would they want boys to blow them up? Are they those pay-ahead Wal-Mart phones? Is it a ploy to get a better phone every few weeks? I'll have to look into that.
"But we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger:" Whoa. Mick Jagger's like...84 years old! Is she in line to become the next Anna Nicole? Or maybe she's talking about Mick from the 60's. Even so...ew! I'm sorry, I love the Stones, but some scrawny, big-lipped, skinny jeans-wearing, spastic-dancing guy isn't my cup of tea. Maybe standards have really changed.
While I ponder these questions, I'll sit here and oh-so-subtly bounce up and down in my seat while I consider getting a pedicure on my toes, toes.
There have been so many mornings when I have woken up with a song going through my head. Sometimes it's a happy, peppy song, other times it's a love song. This morning's song I have no answer for. I don't want to know what put it there, nor do I want it there ever again. Therefore I'm sharing it with the rest of you. The earworm can go visit someone else's ear for a while.
I think most of us hope to be an inspiration to people in some way, don't we? Inspiration can mean many things: the model to be come a better person, someone to look up to, a person who brings out something you never knew you had inside you, or even a muse.
I would love to be all of those things, but sometimes I wish - selfishly - that I could have inspired someone at some point in my life to write something beautiful. A song, a poem, a letter...something sincere, from the heart, preferably not alcohol induced. Something that I could look at or listen to when I'm having one of those bad self-image days to remind me that I have meant something to someone. Something that will be around long after I'm gone. I guess it's the artistic part of me who wrote things for other people yearning for a little creativity when it comes to someone expressing what they feel about me. I'm sure I probably have a love note from my husband from years ago packed away in a box somewhere, but young love can be pretty kitschy.
I know, it's pretty egotistical of me to wish for something like that, but at least I admit that I know it. And it's only from time to time when I'm feeling sentimental. What about you? Have you been a muse? Has anyone ever written anything for you?
