this is my jam*

I first heard this song back when Thor came out on DVD.  (I never went to see the first one in the theater because it didn't interest me.  Ha!  How times have changed.)

The quality of this video is terrible.  I apologize, but I can't seem to find any others on the interwebs.
Not long after that, I ended up downloading Wasting Light because I was in desperate need of new music and though I'd never really considered myself a Foo Fighters fan before, I didn't really mind them.  As the album became part of my running playlist, and I listened to it more and more, it (along with the rest of the band's music) really grew on me.  But this song always stuck out and it was one of my favorites.  Fast forward to this year.   There are certain songs that I can identify with certain phases of this carcinoma adventure.  I still can't listen to Pharrell's Happy without feeling nauseous.  I hear Katy Perry's Roar and think of the car ride to the hospital on mastectomy day.  But this song...let me give you a scene.
It was about a month after my mastectomy and I could finally start getting some exercise.  Nothing too major yet - I had to ease my way back into physical activity.  I was still bouncing back from everything my body had been through, chemo, fatigue, weight gain, major surgery, having my pectoral muscle re-attached over a foreign object, physical therapy.  I decided at least I could start by walking my old jogging route.  I put on my running shoes, cued up my old running playlist and headed out. It felt good to be out there getting fresh air again, feeling like I was doing something good for myself.  About 15 minutes into my walk, this song came on, and though I'd heard it hundreds of times before, the lyrics hit me differently.  A smile came over my face and my pace increased.  And then it hit this part:

You keep alive a moment at a time

But still inside a whisper to a riot

To sacrifice but knowing to survive

That first decline another state of mind

I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign

Forever, whenever

I never wanna die

I never wanna die

I never wanna die

I'm on my knees

I never wanna die

I'm dancing on my grave

And running through the fire

Forever, whatever

I never wanna die

I never wanna leave

I'll never say goodbye

Forever

Whatever!

Forever

Whatever!!

I was still smiling, I was still walking fast, but now tears were streaming down my cheeks.  That's when it hit me that this was exactly what I was living.  This was the song that would always remind me of getting back up after the crap that I'd been through.  This was me not being complacent, not feeling sorry for myself, but moving forward, doing what I can to keep myself healthy, living my life as fully as I can, and being the best person I can be in the time I have left in this life - be it ten years or forty.
This, my friends, is why this song that many people feel has been tremendously overplayed means the world to me.  
And the fact that it's in Thor doesn't hurt.


*I am so sorry to use that phrase, but now you understand why.