I swear, I never know what kind of a conversation my son will start with me while we're in the car on the way to or from his tae kwon do class. I've held my composure in the front seat while my son has asked me questions that have completely blindsided me from the back seat about puberty and sex ed. We've discussed school and his favorite subjects and the bullies who bother him. And sometimes perfectly tame, everyday conversations can take the most unexpected turn.
As we were pulling out of our garage, he mentioned that one of the neighborhood families was moving away. This family happens to consist of the girl who has deemed herself his "girlfriend" for the past couple of years and they had been quietly making plans to become official boyfriend and girlfriend next year when they hit 6th grade and it was more acceptable. (Luckily we have a son who tells us everything, even when he probably shouldn't.) I told him it was too bad because his prospect for a 6th grade girlfriend was leaving, to which he replied, "Eh, I'll have others."
I told him that I had a boyfriend in 6th grade for two weeks and that all we really did was go to one movie and sit next to each other in school. (Yes, I had extensive dating experience. I dated this guy in 6th grade and then I had a dry spell until my junior year of high school when I started dating the guy who would end up becoming my husband .) He said, "Wow, if you had dated him much longer that that you would have ended up marrying him." Ah, you silly little man. "You don't marry the person you date in 6th grade...or 7th or 8th," I replied. "Well, what about 9th grade?" At this point, it was easier for me to lump it together with, "It's very rare that you marry anyone you dated in high school. It happens, but it's rare."
"Well, I hope it happens early for me because I want my wife to have babies."
Wha - huh? Hoooooold on here, mister.
While I appreciate the fact that you want your wife to have babies, this whole "early" thing could be bad. I don't think he understands yet that you can have a baby with anyone - whether you're married or not. You don't magically become fertile once you say "I do" and frankly, that's not something I'm ready to get into with my 10-year-old in my car. "No babies until you're at least 25!" were the only words that I could muster. That sounds like a decent age, right? I was 25 when I had him and that worked out okay. 21 would be far too young - might as well be 16 in the world of a male. Yeah, that works.
"Moooommmmm."
"Don't 'Mom' me, mister. I mean it." The thought of being a grandparent in five years at the age of 41 entered my mind - helping out with a baby on his weekends, dealing with the heartache of the girlfriend who doesn't love him but he has to deal with because she's the baby-mama, being called "Granny..." Oh hell no!
My nightmare ended abruptly as we pulled up to his TKD school. As he got out of the car, I gave him the same motherly lines I tell him before every class, "Don't fool around, listen and do your best. And NO BABIES!"
I pulled away as he was saying, "Oh my gosh, mom!' but I knew that my rule would stick with him for all time. Okay, maybe not. I think it's time for my husband to have a little chat with him...
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