observations during monday night football (not a rant about the outcome)

I don't usually watch Monday Night Football, but the Packers were playing, so I had no choice.  As I watched, I noticed a few things that I felt the need to share with you.  Why?  Eh, why not?

• Isn't there some rule somewhere that you should never mix sports and politics? (If not, shouldn't there be?)  What's with all of the political commercials during the game?  Don't they realize that people are drinking heavily and that politics gets people even more riled up than football?  They're asking for mucho trouble!  (By the way...are we ever going to be rid of Super PACs?  Political ads might be a little more tolerable without them.)
• I've always been amused by the suggestive terminology of the game.  It's especially humorous when it's just about, or past, my bedtime.  Talk about tight ends and penetration sends me giggling for the next 2 plays.  My husband does not find my giggling amusing.
• Do we really need so many different penalties?  I mean, how many different penalties do we have for players crossing the line of scrimmage?  Offside, encroachment, false start...why can't they just have one penalty for any person, offense or defense, that goes before they're supposed to.  The premature embarkation penalty.  Simple.  Done.  It would be much easier for those replacement refs to remember everything.  (Hands in the face?  Really?)
• The hand signals for their calls crack me up.  The signal for delay of game looks something like a cross between I Dream of Jeannie and a mummy.  Loss of down looks like a bad dance move.  There are a few that make sense though...like holding and facemask...and look like the naughty thing the player did.
• And speaking of replacement refs and hand signals, I found this fun online today. 

HappyPlace.com is often full of snark and thereby linkworthy.

No, I'm not going to get into the outcome of the game.  I'm a Packer fan - How do you think I feel?  (In all honesty, I was tucked in bed sleeping soundly by the time the final play came about, but thanks to the internet, I got educated.) All I can say is that I hope the outrage from the officiating debacle last night and the past three weeks might wake up the NFL and get them to come to an agreement with the real officials. 

In other football news...

My husband was kind enough to post this to my facebook wall the other day.  How's that for love?  I've never read the cheap skanky fan-fic trilogy from which this comes, nor do I want to, but if this guy was to show up at my doorstep decked out in this garb, I certainly wouldn't turn him away.  Well, unless the kid was home.  That might be a little awkward.

Happy football season!

sickness, carbs and lethargy

I apologize in advance for any lack of clarity in my writing as I am coming out of a NyQuil coma and am hopped up on Sudafed. (See NSFW video below.)

I have had a cold for 4.5 days now.  I know, colds happen all the time - especially now that the kids are back in school.  Here's the thing...I rarely get sick.  If I get a cold, my body fights it off and I just get little bits and pieces of symptoms that just kind of say hello, but nothing really ever comes of it.  This time, I got knocked on my ass.  And the thing is, it's mainly just a minor head cold, but it is so utterly draining that all I've done for the last 2.5 days is lay around or sit on my ass. 

It's probably my own fault.  I haven't been getting a lot of sleep over the past few weeks because I've been getting up early to work out and going to late-night lectures, so my body was probably too tired to fight it off.  So by me trying to become healthier, I caused myself to get sick.  Oh life, what a convoluted game you play.

Now add to the sickness and lethargy the constant need to eat.  And not just eat anything, but my body is craving carbs.  The evil white stuff that I've been limiting in my diet has now become the one thing my body wants to ingest.  I've read that this is because my body needs fuel to fight off the virus, but why can't I be craving oranges or tomatoes instead?  Pretzels and Bugles and toast and noodles - that's what my body wants.  Screw the vitamins, gimme junk!

I have this fear that by the time I'm finally over this thing, I'll have gained 15 pounds and won't be able to do the exercises I've worked my way up to, thereby causing me to say "fuckitall" and go back to my existence of XL clothes, bread dough appetizers and extremely low self-esteem. 

Of course, maybe that's just the NyQuil and Sudafed talking.



Warning: Not for innocent ears.

ode to office allergies

To the tune of "O Holy Night!"

O moldy floor!
You make me sneeze my head off
And make it feel like my throat is on fire.
Long has the fungus grown inside the office
Just waiting for something new to transpire.
'Least once a year the carpeting gets soggy
When yonder breaks a water pipe again.
Flood on the floor!
O see the spores are floating,
And blown through the air

By the fan to breathe again.
O mold! O mold!
Ohhh mold!
Ohhh aaah-choooo!!!!

my memories of the rnc

The date was July 31, 2000.  Ah, I remember it well.

It was night-time. I was stuck in bed in the maternity ward of our local hospital...still pregnant.  They had induced labor that morning, but the dang kid was stubborn and didn't want to come out into the world yet.  The doctors decided to keep me overnight so that they could kick it up a notch the next morning, so I shooed my hubby home so he could get some sleep in a decent bed before he wouldn't be able to again for quite a few months.

So there I was, alone in a hospital bed, hooked up to internal monitors (in other words, I had wires hanging out of my hoo-ha) and an IV, a nurse call button to the side of me, and a TV remote in my hand.  Unfortunately the only thing that was being shown on the limited number of channels offered by the local hospital was the Republican National Convention. (This was prior to the name being shortened to RNC for the sake of people who type using only their thumbs.)  Hundreds of people in silly hats prattling on about the "great state of" blah-ba-dee-blah that they were from and casting their nominations for "The next President of these great United States, George W. Bush!"  Sigh.  (Don't get me wrong, I would have despised being forced to watch the Democratic Convention as well, though this was a bit worse.  I hate politics.)

The 2000 Republican National Convention

A scream came from down the hall.  She must have been just as thrilled about the television selection as I was.  Oh, wait...this was the maternity ward.  Nice to know someone around here is actually giving birth.  And then I remembered that I was supposed to be doing the same thing the next day.  In an instant, I wasn't so thrilled to be listening to the woman down the hall screaming in agony.  I wanted to turn up the sound on the TV to block out the screams, but that would have only made me scream right along with her.  I couldn't win!

I tried desperately to find something - ANYTHING - else to watch.  I would have taken the Weather Channel if they had it, but I wasn't that fortunate.  I tried going to my happy place, but the 3rd circle of hell that I was somehow trapped in was too overpowering to allow me to escape.  I had to concede to one or the other and in an effort to psych myself up for the next day and keep a little bit of sanity, I turned off the television and listened to the horrific beautiful sounds of the miracle of childbirth, made a mental note to have the hubby bring movies for me to watch the next day, and swore that I would never watch a political convention ever again.

I'm proud to report it's a promise I've kept to myself for twelve years now.