During my travels around the area this year, one place I stumbled upon was called the Sci Fi Cafe. Okay, I didn't really stumble upon it - I had heard about it before and thought that since I was in the area with my kid, we'd stop by and take a look. Now, I've visited their website and have seen the pictures, but it still didn't prepare me for the insanity we were about to witness.
When you think of a place named "Sci Fi Cafe" what comes to mind? Me, the image of some 50's style diner with neon, posters of Sci Fi movies and tv shows, some toys scattered around, lots of memorabilia, etc. Well, that is soooo far from the setup of this place, it's laughable. The sign on the door is somewhat what I would expect...Superman. (I take that back, it's not really Supe...it's a superhero that looks exactly like him, except he has a "B" on his chest instead of an "S") Okay, that's stretching Sci Fi, but I can let it go.
We walked into the old downtown building and veered into the room on the right that vaguely resembled the pictures I had seen on the website, except it was dark, full of stuff, had a total of two people in it and I saw no indication of any type of food service whatsoever. We were both a little leery, but we walked in and the middle-aged man in there asked if we were there to eat, look around or ask questions. I thought the safest bet would be to go with the old "look around" answer. That way we could bolt at any time. Let me try to describe this place as best I can:
As you walk in, there is a giant robot holding a Welcome sign. To your left is an alcove filled with old computers which are all on pages relating to alien abductions. In front of those computers sits two banquet tables put together to form a large square table that is piled with printouts of stories about ghosts, aliens, fairies, werewolves and the like, as well as stacks of books written by the owner of the establishment with titles such as "Believe in the Magic" and "Truths Revealed" that are for sale. To the right I find the counter that, in the pictures, is where patrons sit and eat, but today is covered in a conspiracy theorist hoarder's paradise. Oh - and there's a small 4 cup coffee maker with a few mugs for those who want a cuppa joe while they're relaxing in this room of bliss. Toward the back of the room, I find two kitchen-nook-sized tables with matching chairs. You know, the kind you'd find for sale at Shopko. On top of these tables were small menus and paper napkins. Ah - that gave the whole cafe thing away. Along the walls of the dining area were shelves and shelves of alien merchandise for sale as well as a "library" of books on the paranormal. Yeah, I'd say this place was pretty paranormal alright. Every here and there, you'd find a picture from Star Trek or Doctor Who, but for the most part, it was "evidence" found in the area of otherworldly beings and the like.
I knew that some of this place would be pretty kooky - I mean, they have guided tours of the "Sacred Woods" that are inhabited by trolls and fairies and ghosts. They believe there's some sort of energy vortex where "mysterious entities use wormholes as doorways to travel throughout the multi-dimensions in and out of our timeline" (I'm not making this up - it's straight off of their website) They believe that the town they are located in was founded by an ancient race of aliens and, of course, have proof of this. And to top it all off, they also have a haunted basement, which I was somewhat interested in seeing until I saw just how looney this place was.
Anyway... so there we were, looking at all the crap - while constantly being watched by the man who greeted us. Apparently he was afraid we'd want to walk off with all of the high-quality merchandise in the bins around us. My son was dead-set on buying something...anything...but everything was so outrageously priced that almost everything he picked I ended up having to say no to. He finally settled on a couple of $.50 parachuting alien thingies.
Once our purchase was made, the watcher told us if we wanted to look at more items, we could go into the room across the hall where they had another store. What I really wanted to do was decline and run away, but figuring that would be a little obvious, we smiled and went in. This room was mauve and full of fairies and angels and looked like the bad parts of a Renaissance faire threw up in a Victorian mansion.
We looked around for about 2 1/2 minutes when someone walked in with a birthday cake. Chocolate, with 3 candles on it. Turns out the lady carrying the cake is the owner of the place (and the author of many of the books in the other room) and the man who had been watching us was her husband. She and the other person who had been hiding out in the cafe the whole time started singing "Happy Birthday" to him and he blew out the candles. Okay - that was normal enough. Then the owner announced to us that they were celebrating her husband's 130th birthday.
I told him he looked pretty good for his age.
There was no way I was going to get into that one. I was sure that they would go into some sort of alien past-life thing and I just didn't want to have to try to keep a straight face, nor get the questions from my son on the way home. She also told me that the three candles on the cake represented his past, present and future lives. (Again - not going to get into that one with them either.) Then she asked us if we wanted any cake.
My son was the first one to decline. Yes, a 10-year-old boy said no to a piece of chocolate cake. At that point, I knew that he wanted out as much as I did. I thanked them for the offer and said we really had to be going, wished him a happy birthday, and we left. As soon as we got out the door, my kid looks at me and says, "I felt really uncomfortable there." I told him he wasn't alone.
If you're ever bored and want a chuckle or if you just want to get very confused, check out their website. Or if you're really up for an adventure and can keep a straight face while people talk to you about mounds built by aliens and trolls that eat M&Ms, give them a visit. But if you do, I want to hear about it - and let me know if you actually eat anything there. We just couldn't stomach it.
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