No! Not Happy!!

Everyone just LOVES this song!

Everyone but me, that is.

Oh, I liked it when it first came out.  It was a great feel good song that was bouncy and fun.  But then an unfortunate series of events happened and now because of it, I feel sick every time I hear it.

Not long after I started all of my testing and right around the time I started chemo, the hubby set this as his ringtone.  It was something happy to hear when we weren't always feeling that way.  Right after my second cycle of chemo, I ended up getting a horrid sinus cold and I was basically dead to the world.  I was in bed for three days straight and felt like death.  I had no energy to do anything but sleep, rest, and dwell on chemo.  

Through these three days, the hubby's sister kept calling.  And calling.  And calling.  I don't even remember what the drama was, but I was constantly hearing the chorus of Happy and it was making me extremely un-Happy.

And the dwelling on chemo part?  I was in the midst of the worst part of my treatments - The Red Devil.  It didn't make me nauseous the way it does many women, but I sure did dread it.  I couldn't stand looking at any red liquids because they reminded me of the toxin-filled syringes that they pumped into me every cycle.  I couldn't smell certain antiseptic smells without being whisked back to the chemo chair in my brain.  It wasn't the treatment itself, but the thought of it that was making me want to hurl.  And all I could muster the energy to do was think.

So, you put two and two together:  The incessant tune of Happy coming from my husband's phone and my chemo dwelling, and the two became synonymous.  Now I hear Happy and I want to vomit.

Sorry, Pharrell.  It's not you, it's me.