i bet they make you wear mom jeans in hell

Mom Jeans.

The term makes me shiver in disgust.

Don't know what I'm talking about?  Watch this.



See - you know what they are.  You've seen plenty of women wearing them.  Unfortunately, so did I.

When I lost my weight, the jeans that I had were falling off of me - literally.  I was about to go out with friends and wanted to show off the new figure and that just wasn't going to happen in clothes that were two sizes too big for me, so I had to find some new jeans...and fast.

Being in a small town, there's not much to choose from.  We've got Wal-Mart, Kohl's and Shopko.  Yeah.  Cheap and crappy, overpriced and expensive, or jeans for the geriatric set.  I figured I just needed something to get me through, so I went to Wal-Mart and tried on about 5 pairs of jeans.  The jeans in the juniors section were far too tight and low-cut for any person who's had children to wear.  Or any person over the size of 2, for that matter...but don't get me started on that.

I finally found a pair that covered the stuff that needed to be covered and bought them.  And wore them out with my friends and other places...in public...for months.  Then I had an epiphany....

Holy fuck, these are mom jeans!!!

Thumbs-down for Mom Jeans

I was so embarrassed.  They screamed, "I'm not a woman, I'm a mom."  Granted, they didn't have pleats or elastic at the back of the waistband, but they did sit somewhat high on the waist and had a special "slimming panel" to help hide that post c-section pudge.   I vowed that I would buy a new pair of non-mom jeans as soon as I had the money to do so.

And then I never had the money.  Things always came up like...oh...food, utilities, school supplies.  And I continued wearing them and putting off my own vanity for the sake of the family.  But I couldn't do it forever.

Yesterday, we had a little extra money, so the husband went out to buy himself a Brewers shirt to wear to the playoff game (very important) and came back with that and a new pair of jeans.  What the hell?  I get new jeans first!  I pouted.  The hubby thought my pouting was cute, but could feel my pain and told me to go out and buy myself a new pair so I could finally be happy.  (Isn't he a great guy?)

I was willing to take my time and spend a little more, so I tried a few different stores.  (Good lord, jeans are expensive!)  I wasn't finding anything in my price range and was getting completely frustrated, so I decided to try one more store and then give up.  I didn't want to stay out too much longer, so I went right to the jeans, grabbed two different pairs in my size and tried them on.

And they were perfect!!!

Thumbs-up for Non-Mom Jeans!

Look, they're real denim - not just the stretchy stuff that's denim-ish.  They're low and snug, but not so much that my nether-regions are screaming in pain while any fat from my lower torso is pushed up and over the "waistband." In other words - very little muffin top.  I'm a woman again - not just a mom and I no longer feel like I'm in my 50's when I'm wearing jeans.

I'm ready to go out and hit the town.  I just need someone to get me out of the house...