Laugh it off. Trust me on this one. When life is throwing crap at you like a room full of monkeys, dodge it with laughter. Yes, try to fix things that need to be fixed, don't just ignore the problems, but don't let doom and gloom get you down for too long. Laugh at the ridiculousness of it all and you'll feel much better.
Never spread rumors. Well, unless it's a test. (My friend and I tried this once. We started our own rumor about ourselves and had another friend relay the rumor to us once she heard it. It was quite humorous - especially when we heard how it had morphed.)
Always smell the milk before pouring it. I don't care what the expiration date says - expiration dates lie! You don't want your cereal to taste a little "off" or give your child accidentally "extra chunky" mac and cheese. Take a quick little whiff before you infect the rest of your food with a tainted dairy product.
Don't get jealous of your friends who are constantly travelling to cool places while you're sitting at home snacking on cold turkey cheese hot dogs in your pajamas looking at the pictures they're posting on facebook. (What, is it only me?) They're probably (hopefully) stressed out about something like transportation, language barriers, gas money, malaria, etc. Maybe if you're lucky they'll be kind enough to bring you something to add to your collection of souvenirs from places you've never been.
When presented with time alone in your house, go naked! Seriously. When we were young and single or in new relationships, we used to do it all the time. Why not do it now? Feel the breeze on your other cheeks. Let it all hang out. Who's gonna see ya? Just don't make the mistake of watching the neighbors' kids from your living room window because you've completely forgotten that you are sans-clothing. That could make for unwelcome visits from people in uniforms.
Eat the crumbs at the bottom of the snack bags. Don't you know that's where all the flavor goes? Go ahead! Forget the nicety of a bowl - just pour them straight into your mouth. And then brush your teeth. And vacuum...because you've probably gotten crumbs all over the floor as well.
Let yourself regress. Don't constantly live in the past, but enjoy those memories and interests from time to time. Watch hours and hours of He-Man cartoons some rainy Sunday, do the Roger Rabbit to MC Hammer, try picking up a drawing pencil or some watercolors and see what you can do with them, cry to that song that used to remind you of the boy you loved but didn't love you back in junior high, play with your kids' Barbies or Transformers while they're taking a nap. Just don't give yourself mall hair, put on an acid-washed jean jacket and spritz yourself with Electric Youth perfume before you go to a family function. That's going a little too far and they might commit you for that.
Everything in moderation. Naughty food, alcohol, even bad feelings. A little of these things won't do you in. Just don't overdo it. Excess could lead to becoming the large 50-year-old woman in crop tops and spandex at the dark dive bar downtown who gets into fights with anyone who looks at her the "wrong way." This leads to a life of no friends, probable incarceration and heart disease which will probably result in an early death. See how it works? Moderation, my friends.
Enjoy the little things. Ah, yes, the old cliche line. I can't help it - it's true. If you see a butterfly going past, actually watch it. Soak in the sound of your kid's laugh. Hug your best friend a little longer. Savor the flavor of that ice cream you're not supposed to be eating, and don't feel guilty about it. Watch the clouds, the sunrises and sunsets, and in the words of the Almighty Pee-Wee, "Take a picture, it'll last longer!"
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