all by myself

I had the unexpected pleasure last night of having 3 1/2 hours of time to myself.  And in my own home, no less! I was shocked.  I didn't know what to do with myself.

Do I read a book?
Do I dance around like a silly white girl?
Do I meditate without interruption for as long as I want?
Do I watch stuff that nobody else wants to watch?
Do I reorganize the kitchen?
Do I read naughty grown-up stories on the internet?
Do I try to draw or write?
Do I call people and talk to them without a bunch of noise behind me?
Do I plan out my wardrobe for the rest of the week?
Do I take a nice long bath?

So many possibilities that I spent most of the time trying to figure out what I should do with my time while watching it pass by without me actually taking advantage of it.

I suck.

your last day on earth

So with tomorrow's pending apocalypse, (how many of these have we had lately?), many people are posing the question  If you knew the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do?

I seem to have split personalities when it comes to answering this question. 

My loving wife, mother, friend and all-around good person side, you know, the side with the halo, would spend the entire day with my family.  We'd hug and cuddle and cry and try to laugh and be happy.  I'd call all of my friends and leave messages on their voice mail telling them thanks for everything and that I love them.  (Why messages?  Well first off, they rarely answer their phones and secondly they'll probably be so busy getting phone calls from other people that voice mail will be my only option.)  I'd play with our dogs, cook our favorite meals, spend a little time outside in the fresh air, go back in to be with my family again and prepare for the disaster that is looming when the sun comes up the next day...or whatever time it's all supposed to go down.

Now, the side with the horns, that naughty, selfish brat of a side that seems to forget that I am a responsible adult and have a wonderful family that I love dearly, would not just sit around like any other boring day in my safe life.  Noooo.  I would go out to a day filled with debauchery.  I'd do all of the things I never did in this life - lots of sex with complete strangers, motorcycle rides, parachute jumps, more sex...maybe while jumping out of a plane, booze, drugs (just a little), and all around hedonism.  Yeah baby!  I'm going out with a smile on my face.  Woooo hoo!

Now of course, the horny side would never win out.  Nope.  I'm all about the fam.  I'd just have this little devil on my shoulder prodding me with his tiny pitchfork saying, "Hey! Psssst!  You wanna go be naughty?" until the angel on my other shoulder would go over and kick his ass.  That's just how I roll...

giving the gift of compassion

I don't have a lot of money to give gifts this year.  (Heck, I never have money for gift-giving, what am I talking about?) I did come up with the perfect gift for quite a few people though, and I wish it was possible.  I'd love to give them the ability to be compassionate human beings.  I'm encountering into more and more people who seem to be lacking it.

Some of my gifts of compassion would go to the following people:

Our General Manager:  One of my co-workers told him that she hasn't been able to sleep because she's stressed over our the increase in the cost of our health insurance.  She doesn't know if she can continue to pay for the insurance that will now cost her $75 more per paycheck while it covers less, or if she'll have to drop down to the mini-insurance that is more affordable but only somewhat helpful in emergencies, and hope that she and her son stay healthy.  His response was, "Well, you had the chance to voice your opinion when you voted in November."

People Who Turn Any News Story Into An Excuse To Spew Hateful Words To Other People:  Of course, the current point would be the mass-killing in Connecticut.  It didn't even take a full day before all of the political finger pointing and name calling ensued.  Some of the things I read broke my heart apart into even smaller slivers than it already was - especially when it came from people who I at some point considered to be friends. No listening, no reasoning, no solutions, just hate for anyone who doesn't think the same way as they do.  And speaking of...

The Westboro Baptist Church:  I don't think I need to elaborate on that one.

The Mother At The Band Concert:  She had a child who was talking somewhat loudly at the beginning of my son's middle school band concert.  Because the child was wearing a padded helmet, I'm guessing that she probably has special needs of some sort and possibly isn't very good at controlling her volume.  Instead of taking the child out of the room to let off a little steam, she proceeded to swear at her, telling her to "Shut the fuck up" and keep her "goddamn mouth shut because the concert was starting" and we "didn't want to listen to her shit" in a volume that was two times as loud as the child's.  I understand that all of us parents have our moments of weakness, (gods know I have), but sometimes you can just tell when it's a common occurrence.

Myself:  I usually think of myself as a compassionate person, but there are times I know I'm lacking it, especially when dealing with the people I've already listed.  It's not something I'm proud of, but I know it and am working on it. 

Since we can't actually give the ability to be compassionate as a gift, we need to be the compassionate ones and lead by example or fill the gaps left by those who are lacking.  It's the best we can do for everyone.

weighing in on a very important subject

I know you've all been waiting for my opinion on the big discussion going on in the area today:

Clay Matthews' new sack celebration.



When we saw it live, my husband and I both cocked our heads to the side like confused puppies and said in unison What the hell was that?  Apparently my dear Mr. Matthews was watching Magic Mike and taking notes during his five weeks off. 

This might come as a surprise to many of you, but I can't say I'm a fan of it.  Maaaaybe if they had shown more than from the torso up it would have been a little more interesting, but that view just made it look like he was really getting into showering himself.  Can't say that does anything for me.  We missed out on the most important element and even then...nah.

I doubt he'll be doing that dance again anyway as he probably got quite a few jabs from his teammates for it and I'm sure the Packers inbox is full of emails from outraged mommies saying things like, "My 4-year-old daughter just loves you and I had to cover her eyes when you grinded your pelvis like that.  You should be ashamed of yourself."  You know - kind of like the whole Elvis hullaballoo.

Anyway, there's my two cents about that.  As-is - no, though I'd be willing to give it another chance if we could see the whole package.  No pun intended.

blech

I'm having a bad self-image day today.  It all started when I weighed myself this morning, as I do every morning (apparently just to torture myself) and found that I gained a couple of pounds.  Freaking unacceptable!  Of course it is only a couple of pounds, but as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror I saw myself with my original 30 extra pounds of flab.  Man, the brain is a cruel, manipulative organ.  So, I showered and put on clothing that makes me look 10 times worse - a long skirt and an insanely bulky sweater because for some reason the people at work think that even though it's 33 degrees outside, we need the AC on, and I can't bear shivering all day.  I got to the office and realized that because I'm in desperate need of a haircut and this inch-thick sweater is only making my hair tangled and full of static, so I threw my hair up in a dollar-store clip.  Then as I looked in the restroom mirror to make sure that everything was in place, I realized that putting my hair up accentuates the beautiful grey hairs that have sprung up all over the place as they seem to glisten in the oh so flattering, skin-crease-enhancing fluorescent lighting that is blazing from above.  So now I'm fat and old.  Of course, that couldn't be it.  Noooo...  My eyes are tired and strung out from looking at computer monitors day in and day out, so I had to throw on my glasses as well.  Awesome! 

Oh, if only my outfit were red...

it's a major award! (aka: someone actually likes me!)

The most surprising things happened.  One: Someone commented on a post. (Wowzers!) and Two: One of my six followers likes me enough to give me an award!  I'm so excited!

Sabrina over at Pouffia, and the only one of my followers who I do not know personally (thanks to the fact that I my blog is not able to be found on searches), was kind enough to bestow the Liebster Blog Award upon me.  What is the Liebster Blog Award, you ask?  I asked that very same question and because Sabrina had posted the description on her own blog, I was enlightened:

"The Liebster Blog Award is an award given from bloggers to bloggers that are small to medium in size or up and coming in the blogsphere. Liebster is German for "favorite." The award is a way to give beginning bloggers some worthy attention, make connections and let readers learn a little more about you."

She thinks I'm worthy!  How cool is that?!  She also said that she likes me because I'm funny and now I have all of these people coming to read my blog which has been decidedly un-funny for a little while.  I promise I'm lightening up again!  Really!  (For you new visitors...Hello!  Welcome!  If you take a look over on the right-hand side of my bloggy blog for a list of the posts I've written that even I don't mind reading and you'll find some of my good stuff.) 

Of course, with any good thing bestowed upon you, there are rules.  Those rules are as follows:

1. Answer the 11 questions

2. Give 11 facts about yourself

3. Nominate 11 other lovely bloggers

4. Post 11 new questions for your new nominees

I can do that!  Well, for the most part, but I'll get to that later...  Since I hate getting into trouble and I follow every rule given to me (ha ha) let the rule-following commence!

Her questions to me:  I love questions!

1. Why do you blog?  As I stated in my very first post back in January of 2010, to remain sane.  :)  I needed a place to throw my random thoughts and those odd songs I'd wake up with that were floating around in my head and scream and laugh and make fun of myself.  I was afraid that if I kept using my facebook page as that outlet, I'd be that annoying friend that you end up hiding from your newsfeed but not unfriending because that would be rude.  I didn't want to be that person, so I signed up for this.  I keep going because it's a cross between an online confessional and a creative outlet and there are a few people out there who enjoy what I do.  Yay!

2. When you feel sad, what cheers you up?  Other than the obligatory "my husband and son" answer that is true but boring, I have to say this video.  I laugh at it every time I watch it, no matter what mood I'm in.

3. If you could go back in time, what would you say to yourself?  You rock!  Don't sell yourself so short and don't fall for every guy who is nice to you...it gets pathetic.

4. What should a perfect city include?  Tons of museums, parks, a great public transportation system, things to look at, things to do...oh, and not nearly so many Starbucks and Caribou Coffees.  I mean, really - on every block?

5. Who was the last person you hugged and why?  My son because he was in front of my face.  I'm trying to get as many hugs from him as I can before he doesn't give them out anymore.

6. Would you choose money or fame?  Money - definitely money.  Not a ton of money, just enough to actually pay all of our bills, buy the things we need and help out other people in the same situation that we're in.  Maybe even travel a bit - there's a novel idea!  I have no desire to be followed around by the paparazzi, so I really don't like the whole fame idea.

7. What's your number one rule in life?  Laugh it off.  I believe I covered this in my post the simple rules i live by.  Things are always changing, so don't let the bad get to you and weigh you down.  I believe Charlie Chaplin wrote it best...

8. Who is your white pony?  Hmmm...I'm not really sure what that means.  I have to say that I'm not a huge fan of horses ever since I was thrown off of one about 13 years ago.  Dang moody horse.  It hurt.  I didn't like it.  Don't want to do that again.

9. If you could be anything, anything at all, what would it be?  Ooh - this is a tough one.  Man, I don't think I've ever really thought about it. Maybe a songbird in an area free of cats, maybe a comfy chair, maybe a kid again.  You've officially stumped me!

10. Do you have a favorite stand up comedian and if so, who?  I think I'd have to say Eddie Izzard.  His Dress to Kill concert still makes me laugh even though I can recite at least half of it verbatim.  Funny, smart, executive transvestite - brilliant!

11. What of your country, town, or culture do you really think people should try/see/do/[fill in the blank]?  My little hometown really doesn't have anything exciting for visitors to do now that the International Clown Hall of Fame moved to Milwaukee.  (Yes, Clown Hall of Fame...I kid you not.  I'll have to write about it sometime.)  Not far from here, though, is the Kettle Moraine - an area carved out by the glaciers full of hills, valleys, lakes, streams, wildlife and tons and tons of hiking trails.  It's not breathtaking compared to many places in the country, but it's refreshing, renewing and a great place to get away when you can't really afford to get away.

Okay, now for 11 facts about myself:

1. I detest math, hate dealing with salespeople, and loathe spreadsheets; yet my job is running reports and keeping track of numbers for a sales office.

2. I married the only person I ever dated, well unless you count 6th grade or kindergarten.

3. Drinking rum in any amount of excess makes me a total bitch.  Must be my inner pirate.

4. I was very pigeon-toed as a child.  Years of ballet helped to correct it, though it still comes back a bit when I'm very tired.

5. I had a recurring nightmare in middle school that caused me to sleep in our guest bedroom for months.  The school counselor said it was probably due to me putting too much pressure on myself to get things done right away and perfectly.  Since then, I've become a bit of a procrastinator.

6. When I spell words like honor, favorite, or color, I have to resist the urge to add a U.  For some reason this mid-western girl always wants to use the Queen's English.

7. As a child I used to personify everything.  I'd feel sorry for a bike left in a park or flowers that were beginning to wilt.

8. Back in the 80's I took breakdancing classes along with my regular ballet and jazz.

9. Though I love foods like bacon and french fries, I can't eat very much of either without feeling sick.  Shhh...don't tell anyone.

10. The first two concerts I ever went to were Peter, Paul and Mary concerts.  You know - "Puff the Magic Dragon" and "Blowin' In The Wind."  Glamorous, I know.

11. My first encounter with celebrities was when I was 5 or 6 and swam with Kool & the Gang and dined with the Commodores.  We happened to be staying in the same hotel as they were.

Now, here's the part where I have to veer from the rules that were set forth...I'm supposed to nominate 11 fellow bloggers.  Ashamedly, I don't even follow 11 blogs.  Like I've said before - I don't get out much.  I will, however nominate those few bloggers who I do happen to follow:

• Bridget (aka Phoenix Rising) at Stumbling Towards Perfect.  Up until the end of October, this girl made me laugh and laugh and laugh.  Then tremendous tragedy hit her family and now she posts some of the most thoughtful, heart-wrenching yet healing posts imaginable.  She's one of the reasons I started blogging in the first place and I'd love to have more people read what she has to say - the funny, the sad, the thoughtful, and everything in-between.
• Johi at Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl.  Her guide on how to leave the house with children had me laughing till I was crying and I was instantly hooked.
• Ladymoxie.  She hasn't added anything recently, but this girl is busy with a new life with a new husband in a new city.  Always has a positive outlook and shares my love of bacon.

Hey - three nominees is better than none, right?  I'm not sure that any of them accept awards, but they deserve it anyway.

Now for my list of questions for my fellow bloggers:

1. What made you start a blog?

2. What is your least favorite smell in the world?

3. What animal do you think your personality most resembles?

4. If you could trade places with anyone in the world for a day, who would it be and why?

5. Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?

6. Who was your first crush and how old were you?

7. What is your favorite guilty pleasure movie?

8. Diamonds, rubies, emeralds or sapphires?

9. How many siblings do you have and do you wish you had more/less?

10. When you want to spend time alone, where do you go?

11. What do you want to be when you grow up?

So that's it!  Thanks again to Sabrina (who I am now a follower of) and to the rest of you for sharing my little corner of the universe.  Happy happy!

and now for a frivolous post full of things that make me happy

Okay, after all this seriousness and ickyness and deep thought, it's time for me to throw some stuff into the universe that makes me laugh, dance, giggle and swoon.

H-A-Double P-I-N-E-Double S

Darth Vader and Pee Wee?  Together?  This makes my little heart squee! 

Even the God of Thunder gives peace a chance.

How can you turn this song on and not shake your booty?

This song is completely different than the one above, but it makes me bounce around...no booty shaking, just bouncing...and smiling.

The fact that it's time to watch this movie again makes me happy

(Watch it now before it gets pulled)

And this picture makes me happy

This picture makes me very happy.

Rawr!

gotta let it out

Ugh!  This little community has been through so much lately.  We've lost so many people in a very short amount of time and it makes this dark cloud of sorrow hover over everyone.  It doesn't always rain, but it certainly isn't letting much sun seep through.  There have been so many times when I've had a line from Bram Stoker's Dracula run through my head: "Take me away from all this death."  I'm not immediately affected by the losses, but my friends are and seeing them hurt that much makes me hurt.  My ability to push away the sadness from that and stresses from other things weakened earlier in the week and I broke down.  I mean, I was a blubbering mess for half an hour.  My poor husband...

Had I let myself cry a little bit here and there when I felt like it, maybe I wouldn't have gone on that long.  (Another one of life's lessons that I never heed.)  I should have listened to these songs to get me going.  Maybe they can help you let it out sometime in the future when you need it.

Madonna: Promise to Try


Peter Gabriel: Washing of the Water


John Denver & The Muppets: Where the River Meets the Sea

comedy or tragedy?

A very wise teacher of mine has said many times (and I'm paraphrasing here) that life is a movie and it's up to us as the viewer what we want it to be - comedy, drama, tragedy or farce.  Plainly stated, life is what we make of it.  If you can change something you don't like, then do so; and the way you react to the things you can't change can make all the difference in the world.

I know people with lives full of wealth and material items where things come easily to them, but they overreact to the smallest hiccup.  The common cold completely ruins the fourth luxury cruise that they're on this year or the hi-tech gizmo that they just bought isn't working quite right and it will take a couple of days to get it back.  Oh the horror!  And they're always depressed and life is hell and you want to slap them upside the head and show them just how easy they have it and how much happiness they're missing out on.

I also know people who have had immense hardships in their lives who have smiles on their faces most of the time and try to make those around them smile as well.  They have suffered tremendous losses, either personally or financially, and still try to make the best out of everything.  They try not to dwell in the negative, they move on with what they have and try to give to those who have things even tougher than they do.  They don't have the money to travel, so they find beauty in the things around them that they see every day.  They can't buy everything they want (and sometimes the things that they need), but they don't whine about it, they keep working...keep moving forward.  And if they're missing someone, they try to remember the happy times and they laugh.  They laugh a lot.

I choose to live my life as a musical full of song and dance numbers, a love story where the boy and girl grow old together, a comedy where even when times are hard laughter can be found, and an action adventure where when the bad guys are coming after me, I can build an elaborate trap, watch them fall into it and get away with a witty one liner and a smirk. 

What genre does your life fall into?  Do you need a script rewrite?

the city is mine

After attending a lecture in Chicago last week and being gently shooed out around midnight, I walked back to my hotel room which was about six blocks away.  I traveled with friends for the first three blocks, laughing and talking about what we had just learned, and then we went our separate ways.  I was on Michigan Avenue - the Magnificent Mile to be exact, usually one of the busiest streets in the country both in pedestrian and vehicular traffic, and there I walked alone. 

Just a couple of hours earlier, I was weaving in and out of groups of shoppers and tourists, but now I had the whole sidewalk to myself, save for a person here or there quickly walking to his or her hotel room from a bus stop a couple of blocks away.  Where the streets were lined with drivers who could barely get their cars from one lane to another, only a handful easily manuvered from block to block.  The sounds of honking horns and emergency vehicles were replaced with the low rumble from a distant el train and the occasional jackhammer from the road crew trying to finish their work while disrupting the least amount of traffic possible. 

The neighborhood belonged to me.  The yellow streetlights reflected off of the surface of the pavement giving the starkness a warmth that invited me to stay. The traffic lights silently moved from green to amber to red, but no matter what the color there was no need for me to wait for anyone.  I walked on slowly and without stopping.  A homeless man took shelter on the steps within the vine-covered arches of the First Presbyterian Church and slept.  It was his own sanctuary for the night.  The only bustling activity to be found was in front of the John Hancock Center where a small crew worked to set begin setting up holiday displays on the smooth dark granite pavement of the plaza.  They paid no attention to me as I drifted past.

I wanted to take a barrage of pictures of everything around me to say, "Look!  Can you believe there's no one here but me?!" but I didn't want to interrupt my enjoyment.  I didn't want to stand out as the tourist, the outsider; I wanted to be part of the living organism that was Chicago.  I could hear it breathing, feel its pulse in my bones.  I was in it and it in me.  And in that distance of three city blocks, it was mine.