"You're in our thoughts"
"If there's anything I can do..."
The standard words of sympathy and support. What else is there to say? They feel so expected, stale, and even if the person means it wholeheartedly, they sound hollow.
So when a friend loses her 11-year-old daughter completely unexpectedly, where do you find the correct words? This isn't a pet, a friend or even a parent...this is her child. Someone she carried inside her for 9 months, she was a part of her. Someone she raised to be one of the most kind and caring, giving people I've ever known of who had already touched so many around her at such a young age. How can you express the immense amount of hurt you are feeling for her and her family? The fact that you can't fathom the deluge of emotions and pain and sorrow and excruciating emptiness that they have to be experiencing and that you truly would do anything for them at the drop of a hat? How do you tell them that you know that though life will be this roller coaster of extreme pain from loss and elation from memories for a while, probably a long while, and things will be different forever, that they will be okay? They will carry on and she will be with them always - somehow - depending on their beliefs either watching over them from afar, staying with them, or smiling in their hearts through their memories. No words can bring her back where they want her, where they can hold her, hear her voice, smell her hair...
How do you possibly say anything that can give them any comfort?
You say, "I'm so sorry, you're in our thoughts and if there's anything we can do, please let us know." Then you pray, send wishes for healing and strength, think positive thoughts for them, hold them tight if and when you see them, help them out in any way possible, and hope that in some way it alleviates even the smallest bit of pain.
With love...
Avery
(aka "Dotter")
10/5/01 - 10/24/12
A memorial fund has been set up to help the family pay for expenses:
In Memory of Avery
c/o Walworth State Bank
PO Box 66
Walworth, WI 53184
You can read more about the beautiful, kind, caring, unique, funny, lovely Avery and her amazing family at her mom's blog, Stumbling Towards Perfect.
Ah yes, these things are horrible. In these situations I'm often at a loss for words too. When my aunt lost her son, I just hugged her. I'm not a hugger but I felt it was the only way I could express my sympathy and offer some comfort.
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