blech

I'm having a bad self-image day today.  It all started when I weighed myself this morning, as I do every morning (apparently just to torture myself) and found that I gained a couple of pounds.  Freaking unacceptable!  Of course it is only a couple of pounds, but as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror I saw myself with my original 30 extra pounds of flab.  Man, the brain is a cruel, manipulative organ.  So, I showered and put on clothing that makes me look 10 times worse - a long skirt and an insanely bulky sweater because for some reason the people at work think that even though it's 33 degrees outside, we need the AC on, and I can't bear shivering all day.  I got to the office and realized that because I'm in desperate need of a haircut and this inch-thick sweater is only making my hair tangled and full of static, so I threw my hair up in a dollar-store clip.  Then as I looked in the restroom mirror to make sure that everything was in place, I realized that putting my hair up accentuates the beautiful grey hairs that have sprung up all over the place as they seem to glisten in the oh so flattering, skin-crease-enhancing fluorescent lighting that is blazing from above.  So now I'm fat and old.  Of course, that couldn't be it.  Noooo...  My eyes are tired and strung out from looking at computer monitors day in and day out, so I had to throw on my glasses as well.  Awesome! 

Oh, if only my outfit were red...

it's a major award! (aka: someone actually likes me!)

The most surprising things happened.  One: Someone commented on a post. (Wowzers!) and Two: One of my six followers likes me enough to give me an award!  I'm so excited!

Sabrina over at Pouffia, and the only one of my followers who I do not know personally (thanks to the fact that I my blog is not able to be found on searches), was kind enough to bestow the Liebster Blog Award upon me.  What is the Liebster Blog Award, you ask?  I asked that very same question and because Sabrina had posted the description on her own blog, I was enlightened:

"The Liebster Blog Award is an award given from bloggers to bloggers that are small to medium in size or up and coming in the blogsphere. Liebster is German for "favorite." The award is a way to give beginning bloggers some worthy attention, make connections and let readers learn a little more about you."

She thinks I'm worthy!  How cool is that?!  She also said that she likes me because I'm funny and now I have all of these people coming to read my blog which has been decidedly un-funny for a little while.  I promise I'm lightening up again!  Really!  (For you new visitors...Hello!  Welcome!  If you take a look over on the right-hand side of my bloggy blog for a list of the posts I've written that even I don't mind reading and you'll find some of my good stuff.) 

Of course, with any good thing bestowed upon you, there are rules.  Those rules are as follows:

1. Answer the 11 questions

2. Give 11 facts about yourself

3. Nominate 11 other lovely bloggers

4. Post 11 new questions for your new nominees

I can do that!  Well, for the most part, but I'll get to that later...  Since I hate getting into trouble and I follow every rule given to me (ha ha) let the rule-following commence!

Her questions to me:  I love questions!

1. Why do you blog?  As I stated in my very first post back in January of 2010, to remain sane.  :)  I needed a place to throw my random thoughts and those odd songs I'd wake up with that were floating around in my head and scream and laugh and make fun of myself.  I was afraid that if I kept using my facebook page as that outlet, I'd be that annoying friend that you end up hiding from your newsfeed but not unfriending because that would be rude.  I didn't want to be that person, so I signed up for this.  I keep going because it's a cross between an online confessional and a creative outlet and there are a few people out there who enjoy what I do.  Yay!

2. When you feel sad, what cheers you up?  Other than the obligatory "my husband and son" answer that is true but boring, I have to say this video.  I laugh at it every time I watch it, no matter what mood I'm in.

3. If you could go back in time, what would you say to yourself?  You rock!  Don't sell yourself so short and don't fall for every guy who is nice to you...it gets pathetic.

4. What should a perfect city include?  Tons of museums, parks, a great public transportation system, things to look at, things to do...oh, and not nearly so many Starbucks and Caribou Coffees.  I mean, really - on every block?

5. Who was the last person you hugged and why?  My son because he was in front of my face.  I'm trying to get as many hugs from him as I can before he doesn't give them out anymore.

6. Would you choose money or fame?  Money - definitely money.  Not a ton of money, just enough to actually pay all of our bills, buy the things we need and help out other people in the same situation that we're in.  Maybe even travel a bit - there's a novel idea!  I have no desire to be followed around by the paparazzi, so I really don't like the whole fame idea.

7. What's your number one rule in life?  Laugh it off.  I believe I covered this in my post the simple rules i live by.  Things are always changing, so don't let the bad get to you and weigh you down.  I believe Charlie Chaplin wrote it best...

8. Who is your white pony?  Hmmm...I'm not really sure what that means.  I have to say that I'm not a huge fan of horses ever since I was thrown off of one about 13 years ago.  Dang moody horse.  It hurt.  I didn't like it.  Don't want to do that again.

9. If you could be anything, anything at all, what would it be?  Ooh - this is a tough one.  Man, I don't think I've ever really thought about it. Maybe a songbird in an area free of cats, maybe a comfy chair, maybe a kid again.  You've officially stumped me!

10. Do you have a favorite stand up comedian and if so, who?  I think I'd have to say Eddie Izzard.  His Dress to Kill concert still makes me laugh even though I can recite at least half of it verbatim.  Funny, smart, executive transvestite - brilliant!

11. What of your country, town, or culture do you really think people should try/see/do/[fill in the blank]?  My little hometown really doesn't have anything exciting for visitors to do now that the International Clown Hall of Fame moved to Milwaukee.  (Yes, Clown Hall of Fame...I kid you not.  I'll have to write about it sometime.)  Not far from here, though, is the Kettle Moraine - an area carved out by the glaciers full of hills, valleys, lakes, streams, wildlife and tons and tons of hiking trails.  It's not breathtaking compared to many places in the country, but it's refreshing, renewing and a great place to get away when you can't really afford to get away.

Okay, now for 11 facts about myself:

1. I detest math, hate dealing with salespeople, and loathe spreadsheets; yet my job is running reports and keeping track of numbers for a sales office.

2. I married the only person I ever dated, well unless you count 6th grade or kindergarten.

3. Drinking rum in any amount of excess makes me a total bitch.  Must be my inner pirate.

4. I was very pigeon-toed as a child.  Years of ballet helped to correct it, though it still comes back a bit when I'm very tired.

5. I had a recurring nightmare in middle school that caused me to sleep in our guest bedroom for months.  The school counselor said it was probably due to me putting too much pressure on myself to get things done right away and perfectly.  Since then, I've become a bit of a procrastinator.

6. When I spell words like honor, favorite, or color, I have to resist the urge to add a U.  For some reason this mid-western girl always wants to use the Queen's English.

7. As a child I used to personify everything.  I'd feel sorry for a bike left in a park or flowers that were beginning to wilt.

8. Back in the 80's I took breakdancing classes along with my regular ballet and jazz.

9. Though I love foods like bacon and french fries, I can't eat very much of either without feeling sick.  Shhh...don't tell anyone.

10. The first two concerts I ever went to were Peter, Paul and Mary concerts.  You know - "Puff the Magic Dragon" and "Blowin' In The Wind."  Glamorous, I know.

11. My first encounter with celebrities was when I was 5 or 6 and swam with Kool & the Gang and dined with the Commodores.  We happened to be staying in the same hotel as they were.

Now, here's the part where I have to veer from the rules that were set forth...I'm supposed to nominate 11 fellow bloggers.  Ashamedly, I don't even follow 11 blogs.  Like I've said before - I don't get out much.  I will, however nominate those few bloggers who I do happen to follow:

• Bridget (aka Phoenix Rising) at Stumbling Towards Perfect.  Up until the end of October, this girl made me laugh and laugh and laugh.  Then tremendous tragedy hit her family and now she posts some of the most thoughtful, heart-wrenching yet healing posts imaginable.  She's one of the reasons I started blogging in the first place and I'd love to have more people read what she has to say - the funny, the sad, the thoughtful, and everything in-between.
• Johi at Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl.  Her guide on how to leave the house with children had me laughing till I was crying and I was instantly hooked.
• Ladymoxie.  She hasn't added anything recently, but this girl is busy with a new life with a new husband in a new city.  Always has a positive outlook and shares my love of bacon.

Hey - three nominees is better than none, right?  I'm not sure that any of them accept awards, but they deserve it anyway.

Now for my list of questions for my fellow bloggers:

1. What made you start a blog?

2. What is your least favorite smell in the world?

3. What animal do you think your personality most resembles?

4. If you could trade places with anyone in the world for a day, who would it be and why?

5. Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?

6. Who was your first crush and how old were you?

7. What is your favorite guilty pleasure movie?

8. Diamonds, rubies, emeralds or sapphires?

9. How many siblings do you have and do you wish you had more/less?

10. When you want to spend time alone, where do you go?

11. What do you want to be when you grow up?

So that's it!  Thanks again to Sabrina (who I am now a follower of) and to the rest of you for sharing my little corner of the universe.  Happy happy!

and now for a frivolous post full of things that make me happy

Okay, after all this seriousness and ickyness and deep thought, it's time for me to throw some stuff into the universe that makes me laugh, dance, giggle and swoon.

H-A-Double P-I-N-E-Double S

Darth Vader and Pee Wee?  Together?  This makes my little heart squee! 

Even the God of Thunder gives peace a chance.

How can you turn this song on and not shake your booty?

This song is completely different than the one above, but it makes me bounce around...no booty shaking, just bouncing...and smiling.

The fact that it's time to watch this movie again makes me happy

(Watch it now before it gets pulled)

And this picture makes me happy

This picture makes me very happy.

Rawr!

gotta let it out

Ugh!  This little community has been through so much lately.  We've lost so many people in a very short amount of time and it makes this dark cloud of sorrow hover over everyone.  It doesn't always rain, but it certainly isn't letting much sun seep through.  There have been so many times when I've had a line from Bram Stoker's Dracula run through my head: "Take me away from all this death."  I'm not immediately affected by the losses, but my friends are and seeing them hurt that much makes me hurt.  My ability to push away the sadness from that and stresses from other things weakened earlier in the week and I broke down.  I mean, I was a blubbering mess for half an hour.  My poor husband...

Had I let myself cry a little bit here and there when I felt like it, maybe I wouldn't have gone on that long.  (Another one of life's lessons that I never heed.)  I should have listened to these songs to get me going.  Maybe they can help you let it out sometime in the future when you need it.

Madonna: Promise to Try


Peter Gabriel: Washing of the Water


John Denver & The Muppets: Where the River Meets the Sea

comedy or tragedy?

A very wise teacher of mine has said many times (and I'm paraphrasing here) that life is a movie and it's up to us as the viewer what we want it to be - comedy, drama, tragedy or farce.  Plainly stated, life is what we make of it.  If you can change something you don't like, then do so; and the way you react to the things you can't change can make all the difference in the world.

I know people with lives full of wealth and material items where things come easily to them, but they overreact to the smallest hiccup.  The common cold completely ruins the fourth luxury cruise that they're on this year or the hi-tech gizmo that they just bought isn't working quite right and it will take a couple of days to get it back.  Oh the horror!  And they're always depressed and life is hell and you want to slap them upside the head and show them just how easy they have it and how much happiness they're missing out on.

I also know people who have had immense hardships in their lives who have smiles on their faces most of the time and try to make those around them smile as well.  They have suffered tremendous losses, either personally or financially, and still try to make the best out of everything.  They try not to dwell in the negative, they move on with what they have and try to give to those who have things even tougher than they do.  They don't have the money to travel, so they find beauty in the things around them that they see every day.  They can't buy everything they want (and sometimes the things that they need), but they don't whine about it, they keep working...keep moving forward.  And if they're missing someone, they try to remember the happy times and they laugh.  They laugh a lot.

I choose to live my life as a musical full of song and dance numbers, a love story where the boy and girl grow old together, a comedy where even when times are hard laughter can be found, and an action adventure where when the bad guys are coming after me, I can build an elaborate trap, watch them fall into it and get away with a witty one liner and a smirk. 

What genre does your life fall into?  Do you need a script rewrite?

the city is mine

After attending a lecture in Chicago last week and being gently shooed out around midnight, I walked back to my hotel room which was about six blocks away.  I traveled with friends for the first three blocks, laughing and talking about what we had just learned, and then we went our separate ways.  I was on Michigan Avenue - the Magnificent Mile to be exact, usually one of the busiest streets in the country both in pedestrian and vehicular traffic, and there I walked alone. 

Just a couple of hours earlier, I was weaving in and out of groups of shoppers and tourists, but now I had the whole sidewalk to myself, save for a person here or there quickly walking to his or her hotel room from a bus stop a couple of blocks away.  Where the streets were lined with drivers who could barely get their cars from one lane to another, only a handful easily manuvered from block to block.  The sounds of honking horns and emergency vehicles were replaced with the low rumble from a distant el train and the occasional jackhammer from the road crew trying to finish their work while disrupting the least amount of traffic possible. 

The neighborhood belonged to me.  The yellow streetlights reflected off of the surface of the pavement giving the starkness a warmth that invited me to stay. The traffic lights silently moved from green to amber to red, but no matter what the color there was no need for me to wait for anyone.  I walked on slowly and without stopping.  A homeless man took shelter on the steps within the vine-covered arches of the First Presbyterian Church and slept.  It was his own sanctuary for the night.  The only bustling activity to be found was in front of the John Hancock Center where a small crew worked to set begin setting up holiday displays on the smooth dark granite pavement of the plaza.  They paid no attention to me as I drifted past.

I wanted to take a barrage of pictures of everything around me to say, "Look!  Can you believe there's no one here but me?!" but I didn't want to interrupt my enjoyment.  I didn't want to stand out as the tourist, the outsider; I wanted to be part of the living organism that was Chicago.  I could hear it breathing, feel its pulse in my bones.  I was in it and it in me.  And in that distance of three city blocks, it was mine.

train of thought

I love taking the train into the city.  No bumper to bumper traffic, no tolls, no worrying about getting lost, just 2 hours of relaxation while someone else does the driving. 

I used to ride the train every weekend from my college life back to my hometown to be with my then fiancee and back again on Monday.  I sat quietly on the train listening to my portable CD player through my  headphones.  I carried at least 3 CD's with me, usually Madonna, Sting and Peter Gabriel at the time, along with a backpack full of laundry, a book that I'd probably never read because of my motion sickness, and the hope that just once I'd fall asleep during the trip.  Others around me would converse with their friends, read a book, paper or magazine, or slump over in their seats getting in that nap that I so wished for.  The occasional pager would go off, but was quickly hushed.

What a difference a few years makes!  Okay, maybe not a few, when I do the math it's more like 20 years.

I took the train again this past week and noticed a completely different scene.  Though the interior of the train hasn't changed and the smell is still exactly the same, people were busy on their gadgets.  Earbuds were firmly implanted in passengers' ears and attached to iPods and iPhones.  Once they were seated, they'd pull out their laptop or tablet and get to work or hop on Facebook.  And then of course there were the people carrying on phone conversations in tones that were by no means hushed.  The man next to me made a point of being loud and sounding important.  In reality, he reminded me far too much of Christian Bale's character in American Psycho.  He was sure to have the latest technology, calling his co-workers "buddy" and "brother" and in the back of my mind I could see him coveting business card designs, visiting the most popular trendy restaurants, staring at himself in the mirror as he's screwing his latest conquest and maybe even a little screwy murder.  But I digress...

Totally this guy

And there I sat watching it all.  I felt like such an old-fashioned girl sitting there with my backpack, my book, no music, (ok, the occasional check of my smartphone), and the ever-fading hope that just once I'd fall asleep during the trip.  I guess some things never change.

screeeeeeech!

Oh, I think I've found the thing that irritates me as badly as the sound of nails on a chalkboard does for most other people.  (Oddly it never really bugged me that much.) 

I was just sent an email about a Toys for Tots campaign that's going on.  It's a great thing - a way for people to be involved and help others, but there's something I just can't get past...

On the email and the attached document that we're supposed to post everywhere, it's listed as "Toy's for Tot's."  Everywhere.  About 30 times between the two items. 

I believe that both Toys and Tots are plural, correct?  They do not possess anything nor are they contractions of "toy is" or "tot is."   Isn't this something kids learn in grade school?   Is it that easily forgotten?  Ooh - maybe the improper use has become contagious as I've seen it more and more frequently on Facebook.  It's like Outbreak, but with less death.

To help people overcome this problem (and to save my inner grammar nerd), I've decided to post this helpful link to a website full of fun games for kids and adults to help them learn all about possessives and contractions and Mister Apostrophe.  I've always wanted to do some good in the world.  Maybe this will be my legacy.

everybody must get stoned

Am I the only adult in the world who has never smoked pot?  Good lord!  And now all this hullabaloo about Colorado and Washington making recreational use legal and now everybody's coming out of the woodwork saying, "Road trip to Colorado!"  Really?  I mean really?  What's so awesome about it? 

Don't get me wrong.  If states want to legalize it, by all means, let them.  I've read and heard the arguments for it and I get it.  I just personally don't want to do it myself.  I mean, I never tried it because 1) It's illegal and I don't like getting in trouble 2) I don't wanna get paranoid and get the munchies which is not at all conducive to weight loss and 3) I really don't want to inhale smoke - especially that stinky stuff.  Blech! If I went to one of those states where it was legal, it would knock one of the three reasons off of my list, but the other two would remain.  (Oh and for those of you who don't get paranoid but get mellow.  I'm already mellow. If I were to get any more mellow, I'd be asleep.)  It just doesn't appeal to me.

So am I a goodie-goodie for never trying it? I don't think so. (I'm not that wholesome...trust me.)  Sure, being a child of the Just Say No generation, that's how my decision against it started. Now it's just a personal preference.  I don't think I've really missed out on anything by not trying it other than getting the humor in Pineapple Express.  That's not a big loss.  Do you think it's something I should experience some day just to say I did it?  Some twisted bucket list item?   Nah.  I'm content without it, thanks.  If anything I'll just go to a Dave Matthews concert and get a contact high someday.

i'm so happy!

It's finally election day!  No more campaign ads!  No more flyers in the mail!  No more phone calls from strangers at odd hours!  No more "...and I approve this message."  I'm so happy I could cry, but I'm not in a good spot for that so instead I'll go old school here and do the Dance of Joy!!!