internet...news?

I was on my homepage earlier today and found a headline in my local news that looked pretty interesting.  I clicked on the link, scrolled through the page and found that the layout was just like this:

I've decided to skip reading news from my homepage.

1,500

Hey - the blog has hit a whopping 1,500 page views!  That's a pretty good number for a blog that's not listed in the search engine.  Hooray! 

Thanks for reading, folks!  If I had anything to give away, I would gladly do it, but I don't, so I can't.  I hope you'll accept my gratitude instead.

empty brain syndrome

I've had an intense feeling of the blahs this week.  Actually, I'm not sure if that's possible.  Can one be intensely blah?  Isn't blah the lack of any kind of intensity whatsoever?  Eh...moving on.

Anyway, my week last week was incredibly hectic.  Long, extremely busy hours at work, meetings, more work, and then I'd come home do a bunch of chores and running around and crash right as it was time for me to go to bed. 

This week, on the other hand, is the exact opposite.  There isn't a single thing going on.  No tasks, no projects, no annoying phone calls...nothing.  I find myself going from website to website searching for something to pique my interest, but come up short.  I'd love to read this book that I've had in my bag for a couple of weeks, but that's a huge no-no.  If I could only find a way to get the book onto my computer screen (no I can't do the Kindle thing here). 

Click, scroll, sigh, click, back, click, sigh, sip water, scroll, click, look at clock, sigh, back...

I've tried listening to podcasts that would teach me things, take me to new places, make me laugh, but it won't help the fact that I need to look busy.  And to top it all off, I can barely even hear what's being said over the constant noise coming from our HVAC system.  If I were to turn it up loud enough so that I could understand what's being said, the whole office would get to listen to the podcast too.  For some reason, I doubt they'd enjoy that. 

So I sit here, listening to the same tired old music that I've been listening to for the past few years (with a few minor additions and subtractions) clicking around for a half-hour or so, getting up to stretch my legs that don't seem to like to sit for long periods of time anymore, walking to the cafeteria, finding nothing low-carb that I can snack on, and walking back where it all starts again.

Click, scroll, sigh, click, back, click, sigh, sip water, scroll, click, look at clock, sigh, back...

Then the time finally arrives where I can go home.  Hooray!  I zone out on my 15-minute drive and as I pull into my garage, I wonder how I got there.  I go in, say my hellos, get the updates from the male-folk, change, make dinner, eat, then I find that the empty brain death follows me home from work and I stare blankly at a TV or computer monitor for a couple of hours and go to bed.

Then it starts again the next day.

I'm hoping this doesn't last the rest of the week.  My functioning brain cells might revolt or run away or kill themselves.  I kind of like my brain...don't want that to happen.

Must. snap. out. of. it. 

But how?

easter fun

Because I don't want to deal with the backlash from people with no humor on Facebook, I'm posting these fun e-cards here in my little blog.  It's all in fun, people.





Happy Easter!  Bawk Bawk!

tv shows i'd love to have back

Ah, television.  Personally, I feel there's a whole lot more crap on it than good stuff, but that's just me.  I can't even say I'm completely against reality shows because I've somehow become hopelessly addicted to Full Metal Jousting.  Well, I'm pretty sure I can figure out why, but still...

Anyway, over the years the networks have decided to stop running some of my favorite shows.  For whatever reason - on for a long time, can't find the right audience, too expensive to continue producing, just stupid network executives - they were gone and a little part of me was gone with them. 

Here are the top four shows that I would be ecstatic to have back:

1. The Tick

I don't think the powers that be knew who to market this to.  It was shown for quite a while on Saturday mornings but more adults watched it than kids.  The humor was awesome.  I've seen every episode many times and have worn them out.  I need something new!  Spoon!



2.  Deadwood

I was never really into the whole Western thing, so when this series was recommended to me I put it on my Netflix queue doubting I'd get past the first disk.  I loved it!  There's humor, there's blood and sex and drama.  The dialogue is incredible and the profanity is woven in like golden silk.  After three seasons it stopped.  Not even any ending to the story.  We were left hanging off of a very high cliff with no help in sight.  Even if we could just get a couple more episodes to tie up the many loose ends we'd be satisfied. Just give us resolution! (The video below is not for those with weak ears...and this scene is pretty tame.)



3.  Rome

My favorite show of all time. Beautiful sets, amazing dialogue, history, humor, sex, intrigue, Rome, Egypt, Caesar, Cleopatra, Antony, Pullo, Vorenus...I could go on forever.  Unfortunately the show lasted anything but.  We only had two seasons of this amazing show and then it was pulled because production costs were too high.  I'm thankful that they actually tied up all of the plot-lines at the end, but the Roman Empire lasted for hundreds of years - there are so many more stories that could be told.  This show paved the way for others like The Tudors and Spartacus, but it still has yet to be beat.



4. The Muppet Show

Sadly there's no way in the world this could ever happen.  Sure, they could have a show on at night starring the Muppets, but it would never be the same without Jim Henson holding the reins.  He could reach children and adults, make them laugh, cry, learn and be entertained all in one hour.  I loved it as a kid, and watching the shows now that I get all of the adult humor and references, I love it even more.

things that perplex me

• Why is it so difficult for people to signal when they're going to turn?  One little flip of a lever makes all the difference in the world.  Are their hands too busy with coffee and cell phones?
• Bras - why can't all of them actually fit correctly?  I know what size I am.  I want to go into the store, pick one off the shelf and have it fit! 
• Where did logic go? 
• Why have I never seen this picture before? 

  

  Jon Hamm and Clay Matthews...
  together...in one picture

• Why have people become so politically polarized?  Has it always been this bad and I just never noticed it?  And how many people now think of me differently because of my political views?
• How is it that I can run 3-5 miles 2-3 times a week and not lose a single pound?  I eat well, I exercise, yet nothing is happening.
• Who decided women had to wear these damn bras anyway?  This new one is not comfortable!
• How can people have college degrees and be complete morons?  I don't have a college degree and seem to out-think some of these people day in and day out.
• If we have limits on how many hours can be worked in a week and the breaks we can take, can't there be limits on the number of meetings that one must attend as well?
• How is it that I've been summoned for jury duty 3 times since I turned 18 and my husband has never been summoned at all?
• Why do some people have to be miserable all of the time?  Or angry about something?  I have to wonder if they're ever truly happy.  It's sad.
• Is it really true that at any given time, you're always no more than six feet away from a spider?   How did someone measure that?
• Is the RealAge test accurate?  Am I really two years younger than my numeric age?
• Why can't you return a bra to the store that you've only worn once?  It's not like I'd be returning panties that my naughty parts have touched.

 

what i learned at the aquarium - a helpful guide

Ah, the Shedd Aquarium.  Chicago's world of exotic marine creatures on the shores of a great lake full of very boring marine creatures. 

The family took a trip there over the weekend for a few simple reasons: 1) The kid had never been there.  2) I haven't been there since college and could walk there in my spare time.  3) I wanted a reason to go into the city again.  So, we picked a day over Spring Break, but on the weekend so the train fare would be less expensive, and off we went.

Little did we know that it was the day of the annual Shamrock Shuffle downtown. Who would have expected it to be the week after St. Paddy's Day?  I mean, really.  Luckily for us the race was just finishing up when we got there, but that meant that there were 34,000 sweaty runners (no kidding - I looked it up) and their support people milling about the south loop area...directly between the train station and the aquarium.  Lucky us.  Roads were blocked off, including to pedestrians, traffic was at a standstill, seas of sweaty people in red shirts and spandex and green tutus created human walls, but we persevered.  We got through and made it that 2.5 miles that felt more like 10.

We got there and got and the end of a huge line that wasn't moving.  At all.  (See the blue awning over the line of people going down the stairs in that first picture?  That was just the beginning of the line)  Let me throw in tip number one here:  Buy your tickets ahead of time.  Unless you're going in the middle of the week during the winter school months and not during any break...pay the extra $5 per ticket just to save you the hassle of standing in line for two or more hours.  Holy shnikes!  An aquarium angel came and saved us not long after we arrived and moved the back section of the line to a secret admission door.  We got in after 20 minutes. 

And here I throw in tip number one for those who do not purchase tickets online: Know what kind of ticket you're buying ahead of time.  This goes for any museum really.  There's always the general admission ticket, but then they tack on extra money for the exciting or temporary exhibits.  Know what you want to see and purchase your ticket accordingly.  Do not do what almost everyone in front of me was doing as they got up to the counter Ummm...so if we want to see the jellies and the movie, but not the dolphin show...could we trade one out for the other?  No!  Come on people.  Don't tell me you don't have the internet at home...or on the 4G smartphone that you just put back in your pocket.  Use it for what it's meant for!

We're in!  And it is dang crowded!  There are so many people, it's hard to stop and read anything about the animals that we're looking at.  There's just enough space to take a look, snap a few pictures, and move on so the next people can do the same.  Speaking of pictures - here's another tip - The Aquarium is a flash-free zone.  This means that if the fish are moving and you don't have the best camera in the world, you will get many blurry pictures of fish in motion.  It's best to stick with slow-moving or non-moving creatures. 

After doing a little looking around, we got hungry and decided to head down to get some people food.  Now usually when I go to museums alone, I adhere to this tip:  Museum/Aquarium food is expensive; eat as little as possible to save money.  Unfortunately I was with two hungry men who never stop eating, so our two slices of pizza, chicken tenders, fries, soda and water came to over $25.  Following this tip: If there is outside dining, take advantage of it - the city noises will drown out the screaming children, we took lunch outside and enjoyed the sun, scenery and lake breeze. 

We hit the special exhibits after that, including the kids' play zone.  Now you might think it would be too chaotic and completely geared for tiny tots to scream and act rambunctious, but there are usually some pretty cool things for everyone to do there.  So, the next tip would be:  Be a kid - go to the play zone!  I got to pet a starfish.  I mean, how often do you get to do something like that?

We also spent just a little extra to go see their jellies exhibit.  A whole room full of jellyfish and you don't have to worry about getting stung.  What a treat!  They were awesome. 

While this wasn't a timed exhibit, they only let people in in groups which brings me to one of my little secrets for special exhibits (and if everyone did this it would be a bad thing): Make your way through the exhibit once with the group, backtrack without going out, then go through it again at your own pace.  By doing this, you're less likely to miss anything cool and you can see the things you're really interested in for a longer period of time.  Just stay off to the sides so other people can see, but take your time that second time through.  Soak it in.  And if they allow it Take as many photos as possible.  These are things you'll most likely not get to see again.  Keep snapping away in between the groups of people and you'll get some amazing shots to help you remember it all. 

Having seen everything we paid to see and having two very tired men who aren't used to walking so much, it was time for us to head back to the train.  We walked back, taking our time because we had two hours to kill.  Of course, we were also anxious to get somewhere and rest our feet, so we didn't dawdle too much - except to make a stop at Millennium Park.  It's always good to stop and smell the flowers. 

With over an hour to spare, we made it to the train station, got a little more food, and rested our sore feet.  Being my little OCD self, I decided to check the departure schedule to make sure all was well and noticed the next train was actually leaving in a half-hour.  I had read the schedule wrong (after riding the dang train for over 18 years, you'd think I knew what I was doing).  This brings me to my final tip:  Always triple-check your train schedule or you'll get left behind.

hail poetry!

It is World Poetry Day today!  I realized I haven't written any poetry for a very long time.  Maybe a little something here and there, but nothing like I did when I was in middle school through college.  Sure, the "poems" I wrote when I was 14 or 15 were utter crap, but I certainly improved once I got to college.  I just wish I would have saved those somewhere.  I think they were so personal that I tossed them instead of running the risk of my parents seeing them.  (I am a woman full of secrets) 

I think the last poem I wrote was for this lovely blog.  And it was about bugs.  The one I wrote before that was for facebook and it was about a spider.  What the hell?

I've been trying to think of a little verse I could write today to celebrate this all-important holiday, but I'm just not feeling inspired.  (I guess I haven't seen any critters lately.)  Maybe I should write a lament to the bird that hit my car on the way to work yesterday. 

Little robin, starling, or blackbird,
I wish I could go back in time
And leave for work a mere minute sooner,
Sparing your little feathered life....

I don't think I can go on with that one.

Perhaps I should pen a haiku about the burn on my wrist that I got while cooking dinner last night that rubs against the wrist rest on my mouse pad every time I use it.

Burn on my right wrist
You're in the worst of places
I can't use my mouse.

Um...no.

So the poetry writing is unsuccessful once again.  I guess I'll have to keep waiting for someone to write something for me instead.

so your house is on fire at 1pm? oh well.

I was reading a story in our area small-town paper (online) about a practice burn that our local fire department had.  You know, instead of tearing an old house down, they burn it and let the local hose-holders get some decent almost-real-life scenario practice.  (Being a small town, they don't see a lot of action.)  The neighbors come out and watch, chit-chat, say "Hi" to the firefighters who they haven't seen in a while.  It's quite the social affair!

Anyway, in this story they were talking about the schedule and, well...let me just quote it:

"To accommodate volunteer fire fighters who work at other jobs during the day, the practice was split into two weeks and run in the evening.  'Most of our people work until 5 p.m.'"

Soooo....if my house decides to set itself ablaze around two in the afternoon, I'm shit outta luck?!  Well, that's reassuring. 

"F" is for fireman.

corporate mouth-spewage

All I wanted to do on my lunch break today was soak in the sunshine, get 25-minutes-worth of fresh air, feel the breeze blowing through my hair, and read a book written by a great Buddhist lama about living to the best of my abilities while being a benefit to others.  (I had just finished my book about the great Zombie War the night before.)  That wasn't too much to ask, was it?

I did get to experience that in snippets, but for a good chunk of the time all I could hear was the corporate jargon flying from the mouth of some frustrated middle-aged white man in a polo shirt and khakis on the other side of the block.  He was talking on his cell phone to someone who apparently works with him and had some bad news because this guy meant business...all business.  "We'll have to wipe the slate and revisit the issue when it becomes more lucrative to move forward!"  In other words, "We'll forget about it until the time is right!"  "Unless the CFO gives the signoff by COB tomorrow, we lose the positive momentum and we'll have to table the issue."  Seriously?

What prevents people from using common everyday language when talking to other people at work?  I'm bombarded with this non-speak at work all of the time.  I work in an office in a very small town at a place that employs maybe 150 people during the winter months, only 20 of whom have contact with the "suits"  Do we really need to hear that crap when 20 people (at the most) are listening and don't want to hear it anyway.  I'm sick to death with hearing terms like thinking outside the box, in the year for the year, moving forward, benchmark, comp set, and on and on and on...  Do people think it makes them sound smarter?  More educated?  I can tell you for a fact it's not true.  Trust me.

Do these people speak like this at home too?  "While I appreciate the initiative you've shown in putting on that lacy negligee in order to facilitate a night of romantic pursuits, I'm afraid that we'll have to table that idea until I've gotten through my copy of Trump's latest book.  Let's touch base again SOD tomorrow to see where we stand."

It's gotten so monotonous, all I can hear when they talk is the sound of an adult talking in a Charlie Brown cartoon. 



Come on people, let's use regular old words like good idea, bad idea, thank you, let's talk about it later, and my favorite - You've done such a great job around here, how about an extra week of vacation and a $2.00 an hour raise?!  Okay, I guess I shouldn't dream too big.