corporate mouth-spewage

All I wanted to do on my lunch break today was soak in the sunshine, get 25-minutes-worth of fresh air, feel the breeze blowing through my hair, and read a book written by a great Buddhist lama about living to the best of my abilities while being a benefit to others.  (I had just finished my book about the great Zombie War the night before.)  That wasn't too much to ask, was it?

I did get to experience that in snippets, but for a good chunk of the time all I could hear was the corporate jargon flying from the mouth of some frustrated middle-aged white man in a polo shirt and khakis on the other side of the block.  He was talking on his cell phone to someone who apparently works with him and had some bad news because this guy meant business...all business.  "We'll have to wipe the slate and revisit the issue when it becomes more lucrative to move forward!"  In other words, "We'll forget about it until the time is right!"  "Unless the CFO gives the signoff by COB tomorrow, we lose the positive momentum and we'll have to table the issue."  Seriously?

What prevents people from using common everyday language when talking to other people at work?  I'm bombarded with this non-speak at work all of the time.  I work in an office in a very small town at a place that employs maybe 150 people during the winter months, only 20 of whom have contact with the "suits"  Do we really need to hear that crap when 20 people (at the most) are listening and don't want to hear it anyway.  I'm sick to death with hearing terms like thinking outside the box, in the year for the year, moving forward, benchmark, comp set, and on and on and on...  Do people think it makes them sound smarter?  More educated?  I can tell you for a fact it's not true.  Trust me.

Do these people speak like this at home too?  "While I appreciate the initiative you've shown in putting on that lacy negligee in order to facilitate a night of romantic pursuits, I'm afraid that we'll have to table that idea until I've gotten through my copy of Trump's latest book.  Let's touch base again SOD tomorrow to see where we stand."

It's gotten so monotonous, all I can hear when they talk is the sound of an adult talking in a Charlie Brown cartoon. 



Come on people, let's use regular old words like good idea, bad idea, thank you, let's talk about it later, and my favorite - You've done such a great job around here, how about an extra week of vacation and a $2.00 an hour raise?!  Okay, I guess I shouldn't dream too big.