for a few who are close to me

I'm sorry I don't understand,
I can't identify,
Nor do I want to.
It's not that I don't care
Or love you,
Or wish I could help,
But I know I can't help you
And I don't know what can.
The happy go lucky people you were
Are disappearing before my eyes
And in place of those vibrant souls
Are small, quivering beings
Who I don't recognize.
I don't know how to deal with it.
Avoidance is my shield -
Be it right or wrong -
My way of hiding from the fear
Of the futures that lie ahead.
Yours and mine.
I can only fix myself
Not you
And I'm working on it.
I have to push the fear aside
And let you in again.
But until then, I apologize
For not being the support you need
You still have my love
And you'll be seeing more of me soon.

-R