a few laughs

My creative juices haven't been flowing as freely as I'd like lately, so I thought I'd just share a few ecards to make you chuckle. 











And finally...

 

boo to bullies

(Forgive the blah-ness of this post.  I started it when I was in a very left-brained frame of mind and no matter how much tweaking I try to do to it today, it's still very dry.  Please read on and don't hold it against me.  It's too important of a topic for me to leave in my draft folder.)

I think almost all of us were bullied at some point in our childhoods.  Whether it be name-calling in grade school, pushing in middle school, or getting beat up in high school, most of us have been there.  If you weren't bullied at some point, there's a good chance you were the one doing the bullying.

Me - well, I was mainly picked on in middle school.  Face it, middle school sucks for everyone.  Hormones, puberty, new people to deal with, trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be.  It's rough!  There were only a couple of people who picked on me, but it was frequent...and predictable.  One of the popular girls in our class would always come up with some way to make fun of whatever clothing I was wearing that day.  I'd hear a new nickname for each new outfit.  (Sorry, my parents couldn't afford the Guess jeans and t-shirts (remember the Guess nerd?) that were popular at the time.  I didn't care, but apparently she did...go figure.)  I remember wearing a sweatshirt with a zebra on it one day (I was into animals and the safari look was in at the time), getting in line to play four square, and there she was...all decked out in her Guess, perfect hair, makeup to the hilt, and her attitude.  I sighed.  I knew what was coming.  As soon as she saw me, she started, "Oh look - here comes..." and then I interrupted her.

..."Zebra girl, right?" 

She didn't know what to say at first and then giggled.  "You're so lame."  It's exactly what she was going to say - what she had just called lame was what was going to come out of her mouth.

The outright name-calling stopped after that, but her tactics changed.  She enlisted help in the strangest of places.  In 7th grade, I joined the basketball team.  I was pretty good at it, was great at defense, started in almost every game.  It was the practices that I despised.  Not only was miss popular on the team, but the coach - our PE teacher - had a habit of laughing at me.  The popular chick would make some comment about me and the coach would back her up on it.  I distinctly remember the two of them standing there, the girl's arm around the shoulder of the coach, laughing at some greatly exaggerated thing that I had supposedly done.  It continued into 8th grade when I decided to be the manager instead of playing.  Nothing I did was right.  Unfortunately, I was happy for the season to be over.

Now my son is in middle school.  He's going through the same sorts of things, but a bit harsher.  Kids these days are harsher.  (My gosh, it's amazing how many kids his age are being expelled these days!)  He gets called names, has been pushed a couple of times.  Nothing terribly extreme, but it wears on a kid.  And he's had it.  Now, the kid doesn't have a very thick skin, that comes with time and maturity.  He's eleven.  Not there yet.  Mind you, he's one step away from being a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but he won't use it.  Not unless he absolutely has to. 

Why does he get picked on?  Because he's an introvert the same way that I was?  He wears clothes from Wal-Mart and Old Navy?  He wears glasses?  He likes to draw and play the trumpet?  He doesn't hang out with a big clique?  Any of these could be the reasons, but who knows how a bully picks his/her target.

He's not just sitting and taking it though. He's reported incidents to his teachers and his guidance counsellor.  Fortunately the school that he attends, the same one that I went to, is now very aware of bullying issues and basically has a no-tolerance policy towards it.  Whenever anything comes up, I am contacted as well as the parents of the kids who are doing the bullying.  I sometimes fear that my son will be known as a tattle-tale and weak, but his teachers and counsellor applaud him for having the strength and courage to actually say something as so few kids do. I know I never did. (A small part of me hopes that some day he will just snap and kick a little butt, but there's no way I'd say that to him.)  They're hoping he joins the anti-bullying group and peer facilitators next year.  Hopefully his experiences will help other kids going through the same issues. 

Bullying has really become a hot topic in recent years.  I suppose it's because of the extremes that some kids have taken when they get to that breaking point.  School shootings, suicides.  Where we had anti-drug groups in middle school, they now have anti-bullying groups.  Songs written, videos all over YouTube.  Kids certainly shouldn't feel alone in their pain any more.  That's a very helpful thing. 


This is my son's new favorite song.  I'm not fond of the line, "No one's gonna crie on the very day you die" as I think many kids who were bullies at one point grow out of it with maturity, but nonetheless...

A movie is just about to be released nationwide called Bully.  This looks like an amazing documentary that could really do some good if kids are allowed to see it, but unfortunately the MPAA has slapped it with an "R" rating because of language.  (Really?  Have you seen what they can get away with in PG-13 movies these days?)  They're in the process of appealing the decision.  Hopefully kids all over will be able to see this and learn from it.  Watch the trailer for the movie below.



I have to say, the only issue I have with the recent movement is how centered it is on the gay and lesbian kids who get picked on.  Now, I know that they get terribly picked on and I'm not trying to diminish the pain they go through, but they're not the only ones.  Let's not forget those kids who are just the unfortunate targets of bullies just because they don't fit into some mold that the person thinks is the "norm."

Looking back on the bullying from an adult perspective, I know that it made me a bit stronger in some respects, but it also gave me extremely low self-esteem for a long time.  I'm hoping that because my son and others like him are able to voice their feelings, they won't be as hurt by it all in the long run. In the meantime, it's hard to be a parent watching it all and not being able to do anything but encourage and support him for who he is. 

Do you have any strategies on how to deal with bullies?  Are you still bullied as an adult?  Do you have a bully at work that you have to deal with?  What ever happened to the people who bullied you as a kid? What's your story?  

i'll save you the trouble

Let me sum up a typical Milwaukee newscast on a snowy night like tonight.  You won't have to go through the trouble of watching it...

 It snowed! It snowed in Milwaukee, it snowed in the western suburbs, it snowed in the southern suburbs, it even snowed waaaaay down in Kenosha. (Watch news people stand in the snow and the wind and measure the snow that fell while talking about how it started as rain, then sleet, then snow.  Throw in pictures from the DOT highway cameras.)  Let people know the plows are out and exactly how much salt they're using.

Commercial. 

Danger! Snowstorms can kill you! Don't drive, shovel, push a snowblower or even step foot outside because there's a chance that YOU WILL DIE!! 

Commercial. 

Rush is a douche. 

Commercial. 

Weather report: It snowed! The snow is basically over. 

Commercial. 

Sports report: AJ Hawk cut his hair. (On a side note, thank god it wasn't Clay Matthews.)

Commercial. 

Witty banter and uplifting fluff piece. 

The end.

Repeat at 4:30, 5:00, 5:30. 6:00 and 10:00.

You're welcome.

cravings

Why is it that we never crave things like salad or green beans or, hell, even raisins?  I've been trying to be so good about what I'm putting in my body (one considers whiskey healthy, right?) but all I can think about right now are chips and dips and breads and sweets and things that I shouldn't be eating.

Before we go any further, I should pause and say no, I am not pregnant.  For some reason everyone's mind goes there when a woman is craving anything...or sick, or tired, or dizzy.  It's crazy, really.

Moving on...

For months now I've been hungry for Pillsbury Crescent Rolls.  Actually, I've been hungry for dinner recipes that I used to make using those tasty things.  One is no healthier than the other.  One was called Crescent Chicken Squares and made for tasty convenient leftovers for work the next day.  The other was more of a comfort food and loaded with cheesy goodness...Cheesy Chicken Rollups.  Yum!

Chicken Crescent Squares at Food.com

Now, considering that one of these tasty squares carries over 350 calories (let's not mention the carbs) and I usually eat 2-3 of them as a meal...this is a big DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT on my healthy food meter.  But I can't help but think about them.  They were so sweet and savory and creamy and flaky...  Sigh.

And then there's snacks.  I want Bugles, dammit!  I want Bugles and chili dip or ranch dip.  And I want Pringles and French onion dip.  And I want cheddar and sour cream Ruffles.  I also want fried mozzarella sticks, french fries, fried cheese curds, a gyro, and cheese, sausage and crackers.

This presentation of Bugles and dip is much fancier than
my normal bag & plastic dairy container

I sound like such a pig, but it's driving me crazy!  Don't think I'm not snacking at all or starving myself.  I eat my 1200 calories per day.  Sometimes I have some Bacon Ranch popcorn from Popcorn, Indiana.  Sometimes I even have half a serving of the wonderful bits of heaven on earth: Snyder's Bacon Cheddar Pretzel Pieces.  (To DIE for!) 

Have you tried this stuff yet? 
If not, I highly recommend you do.

I think I'm just getting sick of them and need a week of naughtiness to get the cravings out of my system again.  Then when I realize how bloated and crappy I feel, I'll go right back to my old ways again.  Right? 

Ugh - no.  I know that's not good for me either.

Can someone recommend a vegetable that tastes like chips and dip?

exotic germs

You might remember the sudden germophobia I developed after watching the movie Contagion.  It wore off after a couple of days.  I stopped constantly applying hand sanitizer and switched over to moisturizer because it was drying out my already dry winter skin something fierce.

Flash forward to last night.  I decided to go to a lecture that was being given by a teacher from Venezuela who was traveling the region with a group of joyful fellow Venezuelans.  When my friend and I entered the venue, I realized the space was much smaller than I had envisioned. (Consider that foreshadowing.) Being part of a very friendly group of people, introductions were accompanied with handshakes, hugs and kisses on the cheek. 

Ah, everyone was so happy! And then I started hearing sniffling coming from a couple of people.  And then I overheard one person telling another how they're not feeling great, but should be okay for the lecture.  I had just shaken the man's hand!  Trying not to be too obvious, I made my way to the restroom and washed my hands thoroughly.  Drat!  No antibacterial soap.  I vowed that there would be no more physical contact for the rest of the night.  Should be easy enough.  And then I returned to the lecture room and noticed that another twenty people had arrived.  There was no way we were all going to fit into that room.

Yet we did.  Like a can of sardines, we somehow found just enough space for each person to sit on the floor for a couple of hours.  (Notice I left out the word comfortably.)  We were all extremely close.  Sick and well within millimeters of one another.  And it was hot in there.  The perfect place to incubate germs.  And these weren't any old germs - these were germs carried by South Americans.  They might have started out as your typical everyday North American, midwestern cold germs, but they'd surely morphed and mutated into something that my immune system would see and shrug it's shoulders out of sheer confusion, giving it way to consume my body and give me one of the worst colds in history.

The cold virus.  Looks harmless, doesn't it?

And I'm going on vacation in less than one week!

I was aware of every sneeze, every sniffle, thinking about those germs floating around in the air just waiting to get into my system.  I brushed a hair away from my face and remembered this scene from Contagion:



I was doomed!  DOOMED!  I made a conscious effort not to touch my face for the remainder of the lecture.  It was somewhat distracting. 


When it was over and time for us to go, there were more hugs and kisses all around.  I resigned myself to the fact that if I was going to catch anything, I'd probably already done so, so what was the point of trying not to touch anyone.  Mind you, I kept contact short and sweet and didn't hug the people I knew were sick, but there wasn't much I could do at that point.  What was done was done.

Of course, today I swear I'm feeling something coming on - knowing full well that symptoms wouldn't develop that quickly.  (Maybe it's the 4 hours of sleep that I got last night.  That would also explain my horrid sentence structure today.)  I'm not taking any chances though.  I'm starting to pop my zinc pills again and chug Emergen-C every 4 hours just to give my immune system that little boost to be able to stave off those tropical cold germs.  I will not be sick on my vacation!

By the way, it was a wonderful lecture, a good time, and I'm happy to have met such a great group of people.  Even if I do end up getting sick.

they don't make holidays like they used to

Ah, Valentine's Day.  The day for love, flowers, over-priced dinners, cards, cupids, and mush to make you want to choke.  Can't you feel the forced romance? 

I ran across this wonderful article on Discovery.com which uncovered some of the origins of this cute and cuddly holiday.  Trust me, it was anything but cute and cuddly.

It began in Ancient Rome as Lupercalia.  Being a lover of almost all things Roman Empire, I decided to do a little more investigating on the almighty Wikipedia:

"The Lupercalia festival was partly in honor of Lupa, the she-wolf who suckled the infant orphans, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome,explaining the name of the festival, Lupercalia, or 'Wolf Festival.' The festival was celebrated near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine Hill (the central hill where Rome was traditionally founded), to expiate and purify new life in the Spring."


Romulus & Remus and their "Mom"

Okay, that sounds pretty normal.  Let's continue...

"The festival began with the sacrifice by the Luperci...of two male goats and a dog. Next two young patrician Luperci were led to the altar, to be anointed on their foreheads with the sacrificial blood, which was wiped off the bloody knife with wool soaked in milk, after which they were expected to smile and laugh."

Goat and dog blood on my head.  Hm...Yeah, that wouldn't really make me laugh.  Of course, back then

sacrifices and blood were all pretty passe.

"The sacrificial feast followed, after which the Luperci cut thongs from the skins of the victims, which were called februa, dressed themselves in the skins of the sacrificed goats, in imitation of Lupercus, and ran round the walls of the old Palatine city, the line of which was marked with stones, with the thongs in their hands in two bands, striking the people who crowded near. Girls and young women would line up on their route to receive lashes from these whips. This was supposed to ensure fertility, prevent sterility in women and ease the pains of childbirth."

Yeah!  It's the festival of getting whipped by bloody goat-hide thongs wielded by men wearing next to nothing!  Now that's a holiday!

Leave it to those boring "chaste" Christian Romans to put a damper on the party.  The pope put an end to the festival in the 5th Century. 

Over the centuries, it morphed into this fluffy, pink, chocolaty, female pissing contest. 

Ewww...too much fluffy cuteness.

I think we should just go back to the ways of the Romans.  Well, kind of. 

How about we just give and receive orgasms?  I would be all over that celebration.

trivial disappointment

Lately on Fridays at work, we've been playing a trivia game.  Respond with the correct answer first and get a chocolate.  I've been asking the questions because, well, I don't want any chocolate.  I've been picking the Trivial Pursuit questions off of the cards and giving the players the easiest ones I can find.  They're really freaking easy!

Or so I thought.

Examples:

Who was the announcer on The Muppet Show?
Answers given:
Jim Henson
Garfield Goose
Jerry something
We actually had to forfeit this question after an hour because NOBODY KNEW THAT IT WAS KERMIT THE FROG!  I even gave them the hint that Jim Henson was kind of right, but it was him in another form.  Nothing.



Okay, maybe fewer people watched the Muppet Show than I thought.  Here, everyone knows things about basic geography:

What's the biggest country in the world?
Answers given:
Australia
Brazil
IBM
China
Asia
Russia
Asia
IBM?  (Can you see me do a double-take here?)  Okay, someone probably read the question wrong.  Maybe they thought it said the biggest company.  But Asia.  Asia?  My dear co-workers, did you not pay attention in second grade social studies class?  There are continents and there are countries.  Continents are made up of countries (well, except for Australia, but it's always been a bit...unique).  I wonder what they'd say if I asked them what the capital of Asia is.  No, on the other hand I don't think I want to know.


Okay, fine.  No geography.  Let's try for pop culture that spans generations.  People from the ages of 25-55 were playing.  Here's one that everyone should be able to figure out...

Who was the bass player for the Beatles?  I reminded them there were only 4 to choose from, so it should be easy. 
Answers given:
Stuart something
Ringo Star (sp)
Ringo
*****Ten minutes go by with no other answers*****
I'm banging my head on my desk.  There were four people in the band, only one of whom did not play a guitar of some sort, and they only named that one person!

Let's try for a nudge in the right direction, shall we?  "Well, it's not Ringo and it's not some guy named Stuart.  What were the names of the other Beatles?"

A little time went by and finally the name I had been waiting so impatiently for popped up in my email, "Paul McCartney."  I never got a John Lennon nor a George Harrison.  I thought that was some sort of rock n roll holy quadrinity, "JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo"   How did these people grow up?

I actually facepalmed so many times today that I think I have a welt on my forehead.

That's it.  I'm not going to play with these people anymore.  It's not worth the damage to my face.

i'll be ready when the deadly virus spreads

Last night, we watched the movie Contagion. I knew going into it that it wasn't going to be a fun uplifting movie, but I wasn't prepared for the amount of paranoia that set in afterwards. 

I've never been one to worry about getting sick (well, other than for a week before I go on any kind of vacation).  I've always had a strong immune system, I rarely get sick, I eat undercooked foods quite often and never end up in the hospital, etc.  But after watching this movie, I got up from my chair and washed my hands - for no reason.

The thought of going to work was especially difficult.  People touch everything - time clocks, door handles, food - and never wash their hands.  I've witnessed it first-hand.  The chef walks into the cafeteria after coming in from his smoke break, sticks his nasty cigarette smoke laden fingers in one of the trays of food, and takes out a piece of something, puts it in his mouth, and proceeds to do it again!  It's disgusting.  I'm not even going to go into how dirty the bathrooms can be.  I can just imagine how quickly a deadly virus would spread around this place.  And my bottle of Germ-X is almost empty!

After walking into my office, making sure not to touch anything with my hands (which is a very difficult task when you have to pull 3 doors open to get in), I looked out of my window and saw this sitting on the table in the common area.

Can you hear the angels singing?

This was the answer to my germophobic prayers.  A monstrous two-liter bottle of hand sanitizer.  After noticing the look of pure bliss on my face and the fact that I was on my knees worshiping the giant bottle of clear cleaning goo, one of my co-workers told me she had found it sitting around her house and thought we might want it in this filthy place.

I wonder if she has a case of surgical masks kicking around her house as well.

with myfitnesspals like this, who needs enemies?

At the beginning of the week, the hubby and I started using MyFitnessPal.com to track our calories, what we eat, exercise, yadda, yadda, yadda...  It's really a great program.  Especially for the price...ahem...FREE.  All you do is enter in your current weight, your goal weight, let it know how active of a lifestyle you have, and it calculates how many calories you should take in per day, how much you should exercise, etc.

This is exactly what I did and it told me I should eat 1200 calories per day.

My hubby gets to eat almost 1500, and I'm stuck with the bare minimum that a person should ingest per day?  I'm in better shape than he is!  How is this fair?

Okay, no problem, I can do this.

So I've been diligently tracking everything I put in my mouth.  (Minds out of the gutters for a moment, people.)  I create recipes with the proper ingredients, I track every glass of water, I enter every bit of exercise that I do, and all in all, I am usually a little under my 1200 mark per day.  That's a good thing, right?

Apparently not.

After closing out my food diary for the day, it tells me that if every day was like today, in 5 days I should be at (insert awesome poundage here).  Yay!  That's great!  But then in fine print it tells me this:


*Based on your total calories consumed for today, you are eating too few calories. Not only is it difficult to receive adequate nutrition at these calorie levels, but you could also be putting your body into starvation mode. Starvation mode lowers your metabolism and makes weight loss more difficult. We suggest increasing your calorie consumption to 1,200 calories per day minimum.

Hold on.  You were the ones to tell me that 1200 was my target per day.  If I'm only a little under that, and that's going to put me into starvation mode, then why would you give me that number in the first place?  What am I supposed to do - find a little chocolate to give me those extra hundred calories to put me just a little over my goal?  At the end of the day?  I don't think that's such a great idea either.

Oh, the stress!  Eat too much and it's bad.  Eat too little and it's bad (and trust me, I'm nowhere near starving myself).  I swear, I just can't win this one.  MyFitnessPal is always judging me!

I guess I'll just have to start eating a Whatchamacallit in the middle of the day to make sure I don't drop too low.  When I lose my final 14 pounds and people ask me what my secret was, I'll have to reply, "That Whatchamacallit Diet."

spaghetti arms

We have a Wii.  I forget this.  Well, maybe that's the wrong way to put it.  The Wii is our way of streaming Netflix right to our TV, so it's kind of like another movie player.  I should say I forget that we have Wii games.  Fun ones that make you move.

Saturday night I had this incredible urge to start Wii boxing.  I have no idea why.  I had no aggressions to take out, nobody that I felt like beating up, I just had to box.  So I did.  And I kicked some major Mii butt.  I also threw in a little tennis and bowling.  All in all, I played for about 45 minutes...then went back to doing nothing.

Sunday morning, I woke to find a little over an inch of fresh snow on the ground which prevented me from going on the run I had been planning on taking.  Then I remembered the Wii again and EA Active2.  It's a great exercise program that I use when I remember we have it.  I decided that my legs are doing pretty well, but I need more upper body and core work, so I set it up and did a half-hour workout.  Lots of strength training, lots of arm work.  Felt good!

This morning....not good.  My arms are now dead.  Lifting them to wash my hair was painful.  Straightening them out sends a wave of pain through my body.  They just kind of hang to my sides like two limp noodles.  Heaven forbid I have to lift anything that weighs over 3 pounds.  I'll be crying like the little wuss that I apparently am.  Waaahhh!

Of course, that won't stop me from doing it to myself again tomorrow. 

I must be some sort of masochist.