i enjoy being a girl

I don't know what's been in the water lately, but I've been enjoying my femininity again. My necklines are a little lower, heels a little higher, I've been wearing more skirts and dresses and the hemlines are a little shorter. I have been appreciating the males of the species even more...from a distance of course. And yes, the amount of flirting has risen. I forgot how much fun it is. Okay, it's probably the 20 lbs that I've lost making me feel better about myself, but still. Oh dear, what happens when I lose even more weight? I'm going to get myself into trouble. The world better watch out!

death by coffee

As I finished pouring my coffee this morning at work, I glanced down to find that there was something floating in it. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it was a spider - not a teeny tiny spider, but about the size where I would quickly brush it off of me if I had found it crawling on me. This one small moment made me think of a few things:

1. There was a good-sized spider in my mug that, first of all, was in my office on my desk to begin with, then was carried all the way down to the cafeteria with me. Ick. (Though it's a good thing I didn't see it on my way down because I probably would have dropped the mug out of shock and broken it. This would be a bad thing as I'd have to go back to New Mexico to get another one. Hmmm....maybe not such a bad thing.)

2. What a way to go, huh? Here you are, minding your own business, hanging out in a place that seems like it will be a nice new home for you, when all of the sudden you're scalded by steaming hot liquid - so not only are you drowning, you're also burning. It wasn't even good coffee, it was more like coffee-flavored water. Eh - hopefully it was quick.

3. It was a good thing I looked in my mug before I took a sip. That's all I'm going to say about that. *shiver*

I said a couple of mantras for the floating arachnid and poured the carcass and it's beverage grave down the drain, washed out my mug, and poured another cup. It might be crappy coffee, but it's still needed. From now on, I'll just be sure to check the mug before picking it up to go anywhere.

when it's time to change...

Remember this: Fourth grade, girls go into one room, boys into the other? Oh yes...THAT day. A movie is watched regarding the oh so uncomfortable (to go through and to listen to) subject of puberty and how it relates to your particular sex. Then you're sent home in either fascination of the wonders of the human body or in horror of the terrible, gross things that are going to start happening to you.

I remember this pretty well. All the girls got to go into the gym and watch a film (remember those - films...on a projector?) about menstruation...by Disney. You know - the authority on women's health. (You can watch it here for a nice chuckle.) We sat on the gym floor, watched the movie, chuckled a bit from time to time, pointed out who we thought had already started their periods, and that was about it. Not a whole lot of information, but we knew that some strange shit was going to be happening to us pretty soon. As for the boys, I think they just sat in the classroom and played games. What did they need to know, anyway?

That day was yesterday for our son's class. I'm not really sure if I have gathered everything they went through as I've only gotten bits and pieces of description from him such as, "what happens when your weenie goes up and gets excited" and "babies happen when the stuff from the penis meets an egg." Apparently they watched a video followed by a question and answer session where he asked those important questions like, "Why are there babies with two heads sometimes?" And then they promptly sent them home to bombard their parents with more questions such as, "Does humping help that stuff get to the egg?" and "When you have sex, does it feel right?" Apparently they were given much more information then we were at that age.

Ah, and so it begins. Now I feel like I have to start watching for changes in him...do I see a little hair on his upper lip? Is his voice starting to crack? Oh dear, I don't think I'm ready for this yet. Do I start setting time limits on how much time he can spend in the bathroom, keeping all of my old magazines out of there so he doesn't have anything "interesting" to look at?

I'm thankful that he feels comfortable enough to ask the hubby and I any questions that he has and let us know about things, but I don't think I'm ready for him to come out of his bedroom some morning and say, "Guess what! I had my first nocturnal emission!"

big wheel keep on turnin'

Ever noticed how the changes in life seem to happen in groups from time to time? It's not a steady wheel of change constantly turning - it's more like the front wheel of your big wheel after you've had it for a while and slammed on the brakes over and over again. (You know the "kerthunk" sound I'm talking about.) Things move along and then *WHAM!* you're hit with a whole slew of changes at once. The changes around you can be as small as someone shaving their head or growing a beard when they'd never had one before to as large as a new job, graduation, birth, death, and everything in between. Add about 15 of those things together and things feel just a little crazed.

Ugh! I am a very laid-back individual, well that's what everyone tells me anyway, so I'm usually pretty good at watching changes happen, dealing with them easily and then moving on. Unfortunately when one of these landslides happen, my tolerance level seems to be worn down to nothing and I just want to hide until it's all over. But no...I try to keep up appearances, smile, go with the flow, and inside I'm saying, "Can it please stop now?"

I'm hoping that we're about toward the end of the massive change-fest now and we can resume a bit of a status quo for a little while. Long enough to gather my bearings, take a few deep breaths and push those pedals forward until the "kerthunk" comes around again.

and now for something completely different...

debbie downer and her cousin nellie negative

I never thought about it before, but I realized that I know both of these people well.

Debbie: The one who is always sure to tell people who died recently, who has a terrible disease, how the circumstances around them are so terrible that they'll never be completely happy again, how old their pets are getting...blah, blah, blah. I try to turn things around to show things in a positive light, trying to find the silver lining, but Debbie is a professional at tarnishing that silver with another zinger of a downer.

Nellie: The one who, when presented with a positive situation, will find something wrong with it and view it as being completely negative and then go on and on lecturing about it and chastising those who would think it's a good thing. The person who can find a flaw in every little thing - from a great family picture to people doing charity work. It makes me wonder if there is any good in the world for this poor person.

Sure, we all have our moments, but to live life with a cloud of doom and gloom or anger and negativity hanging over your head is not a healthy way to live. My wish...well, for myself, because I've tried my best for these two and I just can't seem to get through...is that when I grow older, I do not become Debbie or Nellie. My wish is to be Goddess Gleeful, Graceful, Gladsome, Golden, Good-natured, Gut-Busting, Good-Spirited. Yeah, it's a long title, but I think I can live up to it. ;)

spilled milk

I will preface this by warning you that this blog is more serious than my others. I'm using this as my outlet for frustration at the moment, so bear with me (or stop reading now).

I have friends who are going through tremendous struggles right now: My best friend who has just found out her mother has terminal cancer, a family that is faced with losing their place of residence at the end of the month and haven't been able to find another place to live, another friend has a baby who, just born, is fighting infection and struggling with his breathing, an old acquaintance from school who fell and broke 3 vertebrae, and a family that I used to be close to who went through tremendous loss back when we were in high school who are now going through another unexpected tragedy.

For all these reasons and the things that these people are going through, I am compelled to say the following:

Person #1: You now come crying to me (and everyone on facebook) because you're not getting something that you want, looking for attention by overdramatizing your dismay, cursing the God that you had just been praising for the good things in your life, and proclaiming you just want to be left alone so you can get over it. No, I will not play along. You have survived for years on what you have, though it hasn't been easy - I completely understand that, and you still have health, a roof over your head, friends and family. Be thankful for what you do have and enjoy it.

Person #2: You are fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with your children. This is something that many of us would kill to have the opportunity to do. You also are fortunate enough to have a maid come in and clean, taking another of the worst duties of daily life away from you. Is your life really so hard? I do understand that mothering is a full-time job and not the easiest one either. I'm just not fathoming why the constant complaints and wishing for calgon to come and take you away. I can understand the occasional stress-out, but constantly? You are so fortunate to be able to be there every day with your children, helping to teach them and watching them grow. You have little worry financially, no work deadlines to add to your family stress, a stable marriage (I think...you hardly ever talk about him). Be thankful for what a great gift this is - it is a position that many of us will never be fortunate enough to be in.

Person #3: You are always depressed. You love to bring up your past and the bad things that happened to you in a bid to get more sympathy. I understand you are not an all-around happy person. But, to bring up someone else's problems (one listed above) not to make people aware, but to draw more attention to yourself and have people pray for your strength is just wrong. This is not about you. If anyone needs strength right now, it's those who are immediately involved.

Person #4: You have had steady employment at the same place for the past 9 years. Is it your dream job - no. You do work for a penis club who not only befriend themselves and promote those with said dangling appendages, but who act like them as well. You also work with prima donnas who spend so much time patting themselves on the back that they forget to show any trace of respect the other people who make them look good. You haven't had a raise in 3 years, your benefits suck, the people around you lack both common sense and a normal sense of morality, but you still have a job. That's more than so many other people can say. Quit your bitching and moaning and try to make the most of it, be the positive voice and hope it's contagious.

I know each person in the world handles things differently, but no matter how bad things look to you, someone else has it worse. You can whine and cry and say, "Woe is me," or you can shrug off the smaller troubles and try to help those around who who are in those terrible tough spots. Be a positive influence, stop dragging everyone down and for the love of Pete, stop crying over spilled milk.

P.S. Yes, one of the people listed is myself. Sometimes I need to slap myself upside the head as well.

the lovers, the dreamers and me

I can't believe it's been 20 years since the passing of Jim Henson. It still chokes me up when I see his work and the tributes and look at the things as I watched as a child now through the eyes of an adult. There were so many layers to what he did. When I listened to "It's Not Easy Bein' Green" as a child, I knew Kermit was talking about being okay with who you are, but as an adult now I see just how important it was to hear that as a child and for many different reasons.

How many people do you know who didn't watch Sesame Street as a kid, or The Muppet Show? I remember seeing the Muppet movies in the theater when I was young. I think my favorite was "The Great Muppet Caper." Of course, then there was "The Dark Crystal" with the creepy Skeksis, and the most excellent "Labyrinth." My Christmases were always accompanied by the Muppets singing carols with John Denver, and Saturday mornings shared with the Muppet Babies.

I remember when Jim Henson died, I was so sad - I felt like part of my childhood died along with him. Then to top it all off, the next day's news was filled with the death of Sammy Davis Jr and I felt like the limelight was taken off of the more deserving person. Ah, the logic of a 15-year-old.

He once said, "I`ve always tried to present a positive view of the world in my work. It`s so much easier to be negative and cynical and predict doom for the world than it is to try and figure out how to make things better. We have an obligation to do the latter." I still look at his work as a source of encouragement and a little bit of positivity when I start to feel down. I tend to go back to one of the last lines from "The Muppet Movie"

"Life's like a movie
Write your own ending.
Keep believing,
Keep pretending."

Something for everyone to remember.

Thanks for trying to make a better world, Jim. You're still missed.

snot revisited

You know how they say the Eskimos have 400 words for snow (which is actually an urban legend - there are only about 24 in the Yup'ik language when there are a little over 40 in English, but I digress...)? Well, why aren't there more words in the English language for snot and the different manifestations thereof? Think of all of the different forms it comes in and you'll know why I bring it up:

The faucet: That constant trickle - almost like water. The kind that forces you to twist up a piece of kleenex and shove it up your nose as a last-ditch effort to save your face from some sort of snot erosion.

Nose boulders: Dry nose, dry snot. The rock-like bits of booger that stick to those little hairs in your nostrils that stab you when you try to blow.

Green slime: Kind of sums it up...thick green sludge that comes out only when blown with force.

Brick wall: Stuffy nose - no air goes in, no air goes out.

Slow leak: When you have a kind of stuffy nose, but then this teeny tiny little trickle of snot slowly tries to run out of the corner of your nostril, staying in the crease of your nose, but not really going anywhere. Just enough to be annoying.

I've had all of these in the span of 3 days. I'm sure there must be more that I'm missing...

the trouble with sleeping

Over the past two nights, I think I've gotten a total of 7 hours of sleep. This is equal to one night's normal amount. Needless to say, I am the walking dead. I cannot form a coherent sentence, take anything seriously or think with any manner of logic. I am shaky, see trails behind moving objects and tend to make faces behind the backs of the people I don't care for at work.

I am determined to get a good night's sleep tonight, so I'm getting some music together to help lull me into la la land.

One of the most beautiful songs that I tend to forget about.


A song I found when I was pregnant with my son - good timing.


The song I used to sing to my son as I was feeding him in the middle of the night.


Or for something just a little darker...


Any other suggestions?