I'm trying to figure out how to condense this into a readable blog size, but it's a little difficult. I've actually tried writing this over and over again, but there's just too much to write. I'll have to do it informally - kind of like taking notes on whatever pops into my brain, so forgive how it jumps around and the different formats, but for the sake of your reading time, you'll thank me for it. It's still kind of long, but then, so was her life.
Third grandmother, you ask? Yes, I reply. How is that? Well, she was part of my dad's family before he was even born. She began living with my grandparents sometime in the late 1940's. I think it had something to do with living expenses, but she became a vital part of the family.
History
She was born on a farm in Kansas. Farmgirl through and through. No electricity, not much income, deep family ties. Then, she left home at the ripe old age of 17 to make it in the big city - Kansas City. She worked at Hallmark when they first opened and printed and folded the cards by hand. She was fired when she got a paper cut and bled on one of the cards. Not long after that, in the early to mid-40's she moved to New York, interviewed with Howard Hughes (part of her interview consisted of walking from one end of his office to the other and in a circle so he could see her...qualifications), and began working with Transcontinental & Western Air (later known as TWA) in their Times Square office.
Somehow, and nobody ever really learned the reason, she ended up in Chicago and that's where she met my family. There, in 1947, she opened her own business - an employment agency for office help. Yes, that's right, a woman opened and successfully ran her own business before the days of women's lib. In a city, no less! This chick had moxie! Though her business changed with the times, changing names and locations a couple of times, it survived until about 4 years ago when she finally retired...in her 80's.
Her Character:
Another grandmother, but just not called grandma. She wouldn't have it that way. She never wanted to take away from our biological grandmothers. It wasn't until my father's mother passed away that we all learned exactly how much she did for our family. There were things she didn't mention to anyone until then. When my grandfather passed away when my dad was 15, my grandmother somehow couldn't cope with life with two boys (there were three, but the oldest brother had just gone to college), they began having serious problems at school, missed quite a bit of it, and the state wanted to take them out of the home, split them up and put them in foster homes. She stepped in and became their legal guardian so she could take care of them. They never knew this. She didn't want them to think of her as "mom" or think any less of their real mother. Life went on, it improved, but they didn't know why.
She also cared for her father when he was dying, my father's grandmother, her own mother for years, and my biological grandmother after she had had some serious heart attacks. She did as much as she could for them until it was time for them to have constant professional assistance. Even after that, she would visit them as often as possible. She never complained, never hemmed and hawed over it - it's just what was done.
Everything she had, she shared with others. When she moved out of her home, she always sent money back to the farm to help support the family. When her business was successful, she would send family members on vacations that they couldn't afford themselves. She sent my parents on their honeymoon, and sent all of us to Disney World and Hawaii. She also helped pay the way for many people to get through college, helping them to find jobs afterwards, and even took in a pregnant teenager (when shunned by her family) and helped her find an adoptive family for the baby.
She was an amazing Christian. (And I say this as a non-Christian.) Everything she did was rooted in faith, she was one of the first female deacons of her church - a long time ago, she loved working with youth and teen programs, she rarely missed a service, and she lived by the words of Jesus in the New Testament. She also accepted everyone, met them without judgement, and never uttered a harsh word about anyone. If all Christians lived the way that she did, I would have more faith in the religion as a whole.
Memories:
Apparently at some point in my childhood, I had given her a chain that was probably a pen chain and told her that I wanted her to wear it to my wedding. You know how little girls are. On my wedding day, she came up to me before the ceremony and asked if I remembered that day. I didn't, but then she showed me the chain that I had given her that day that she was wearing around her neck - as promised. I wanted to sob, but controlled myself so my makeup wouldn't be ruined for the occasion, but my maid of honor sobbed for me. Little but grand things like that were part of who she was.
Going to visit her at the office in the 1980's. I always remembered the blue carpeting and white furniture in her office, and the picture on her wall of the Earth from the Moon. Every time I saw a picture like that, I'd be whisked back to her office. If she had some work to catch up on, she'd give me some paper and let me type on one of the typewriters in there. I thought it was one of the greatest things in the world - I always felt so grown-up. I guess that's how I got my start in being an administrative assistant. I'll never have my own business like hers, but I do have her painting (I never realized it was a painting) taken from this picture.
It's something I'll always treasure.
Visiting her house with my parents and playing all of her music boxes. In fact, that's the one thing my son remembers about her - she was the nice old lady with all of the music boxes. They were always a great idea for a gift for her, so we were constantly adding to her collection. If she ever got sick of them, she never complained. She opened every one like it was the greatest gift on earth.
Interesting Tidbits of Knowledge
She was fascinated by the space program and was able to attend the launch of Apollo 17 in 1972. She used to have groups of people over to her house to watch the launches on television. She also died only days after the final space shuttle launch - I hope she was able to watch it.
She was invited to the inauguration of Ronald Reagan (not sure which one), but found it silly that she was and didn't go.
She wrote a book about the history of Sunday School. It's still available on Amazon.com, if anyone's interested.
Things I'll miss:
Her amazing ability to doze off on any floor, any time, for 5-10 minutes, waking up completely refreshed
How things were HI-larious
Her sticky buns - you know, homemade cinnamon rolls. Simply to die for.
Her steady diet of Dannon yogurt. I swear that's all she ever ate unless she went out for a meal or had company.
The Finale
She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's not long after she retired. It's like she was done taking care of people, so her body decided it was time for her to go. She lived in a senior living home the last few times that I saw her, and when the effects of the dementia became worse and she had fallen a couple of times, they moved her into the assisted living section of the facility. One of the last times she spoke with my mom on the phone, before she was in the assisted living section, she'd begin talking about one subject and then begin talking about something from her childhood, but realize it and say, "Well where did that come from?" Her sharp wit and amazing intelligence were fading fast. When she did remember and ask about me, I was still the little girl from the 1980's, yet she'd also ask about my son (who she considered her great-grandson). Amazing how the brain works.
Last year, on top of the Alzheimer's, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I hate to say it, but we considered it a blessing for her. We knew that she would not want to see herself the way that she was. It had to be so incredibly frustrating for her. She was underlining verses in her Bible along the lines of , "Save me, oh Lord!" and "Make me whole again." She wanted to be herself again. She was never told about her cancer as she wouldn't understand it and wouldn't remember it, and it was left untreated as the family understood is the way she would want it to be. Being where it was, she was never in any pain, and for that I'm thankful.
It was the cancer that she died from on July 11th - just a few weeks shy of her 91st birthday. She went peacefully early in the morning. I was sad that my husband and son never got to know her well. I was sad that the world lost an amazing woman who would be a perfect role model for any girl out there. I was sad that if she ever had any words that she wanted to say to friends and family before she passed, she wouldn't have remembered them...or us. But she was finally at peace - whatever your belief system, she was finally without suffering in this life. How could I be sad about that?
I am so thankful to have had her in my life and though I don't think I'll ever be the woman she was, I hope I can be at least half.
I started a team for our local Walk to End Alzheimer's this September 17th. My family and I will be walking in her honor. If you would like to join our team or make a donation, or like any other information, please click on the link below.
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