Flash forward to 1997 or so when all of the sudden I was tremendously dizzy for no reason. It went on and on for days. Since I worked in a gift shop at the time and was surrounded by numerous valuable, fragile collectibles, I figured it would be less expensive for me to get to the doctor and get it figured out than to walk into a display case of figurines, smashing them all to tiny little pieces. First thing he did was make sure I wasn't preggers...I could have told him I wasn't but you know those doctors just love making you pee in a cup. He wrote it off as I needed my ears flushed out. That was one of the most disgusting feelings I've ever had....and I was still dizzy.
Nine years later, my dad was in the hospital and not doing well at all (he got better). I visited him daily which meant frequent trips up and down in the hospital elevators - up to his room, down to the cafeteria, up to the room, down to go out and get some fresh air, up to his room, etc. And then the dizziness kicked in again. I went back to the doctor (though I had a new doctor this time) thinking maybe all of those elevator trips got my inner ear all screwed up. The doctor thought it might have been the stress of having a sick dad, so he prescribed Valium. Woo - that was a trip. I'm a mellow person anyway, so put me on tranquilizers and I could easily be confused as a lobotomy patient. When those didn't do the trick, he officially labeled it "vertigo" and tried antihistamines to clear it up. Still didn't work, but it eventually went away on its own.
It's come back every now and again since then. A little more frequently as time has gone on. Seems like every cold I get (which is thankfully only once or twice a year) ends up settling in my inner ear and I get all wonky. I don't walk straight, I have a persistent ringing, and I space out easily. Still nothing I can really do with it, so I ride it out until it finally goes away. I told my husband just to pretend I'm on drugs so he doesn't have to keep asking me what I'm thinking about when he notices me staring at a wall for no reason.
Over the years, I've learned what is safe for me to do and what I should not do under any circumstances when I'm experiencing this fun. Here is the list of do not's in case any of you find yourself in this predicament:
- Driving at night is not advisable. Okay, I probably shouldn't drive at all, but how else am I going to get my butt to work so I can sit and spin at my desk?
- Sit-ups, crunches, and the like are strongly discouraged. All of that up-down-up-down motion makes you feel like your food is about to go up, not down.
- First-person video games = trauma. I have problems with these anyway, but throw in the vertigo and you'll be spinning so fast that you'll feel like the Tasmanian Devil. You think you're moving, but your not moving and your inner ear gets very confused and will punish you.
- Dancing, especially anything with head movement, is a stupid idea. Sometimes I just get carried away when I hear "Bohemian Rhapsody" and have to do the whole Wayne's World headbanging thing when the fast part comes up, but I quickly remember that I'm an idiot once I can't regain by bearings.
- Watching a live tennis match will make you ill. Left, right, left, right... Your head will be doing that for five hours after you've gone home.
- Boating. Really? Do I have to go on?
- Shaving is dangerous. Okay, let me clarify this. The armpits are a cinch, the legs are pretty easy because they're pretty straight and simple, but there some parts of the female anatomy that should not be shaved during this time because the risk of pain and accidental mutilation is not worth it.
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