schoolgirl crushes who got crushed

Look at this man:

I know, it's tough isn't it?  One of my biggest celebrity crushes in high school was this guy - Billy Zane.  This lovely picture was caught in a Twin Peaks episode from 1991.  Of course, I was first introduced to his gorgeous mug when my friend forced me to watch Dead Calm on video so she could introduce me to the man who caused her heart to flutter.  After that, I too was hooked.  The eyes, the full lips, the hair. Oh, how I swooned.

This page from a magazine was hanging on the inside of my high school locker door.

This was from 1992 when the movie Orlando was released.

Flash forward to 1997 and he appears as the nasty fiancée in Titanic.  Still looking good, wearing a wig, but looking good.

Take a look at him now:

Well, this was a year ago anyway - in an article about his new art career.  Oh I could cry.  Thankfully he can clean up pretty well for those rare mainstream acting gigs that he gets, but those are few and far between.  In the meantime, he paints and...does he even shower?  I'd ask his fiancée, but she broke up with him.  Maybe he doesn't shower.






Here's another guy:

Yup, Val Kilmer.  Iceman, Jim Morrison, Madmartigan.  That mouth, the chiseled jawline.








And now...

Ack!  And he's at a movie premiere, so it's not like someone caught him when he wasn't prepared!  The chiseled features have disappeared and...wait...is that some sort of lizard crawling up his shirt?





I know, we all get older, we lose our looks.  It's just part of nature.  But, these guys can probably afford that gym membership that I can't.  I'm sure they have working plumbing and some sort of shampoo and even a razor that could be used.  It's been over 20 years since the "before" pictures were taken - I get it.  I'll change a lot in 20 years too...

Now, let me prove that time isn't the only factor....

You remember him, right?  John Schneider (Bo Duke from the Dukes of Hazzard).  I had this very poster on my closet door when I was in 1st grade.  Let's see...that was, crap - 30 years ago!  (Ugh, I think I'm going to cry.)





Anyway, want to see a current picture?

Yes!  I have faith in aging men!  Is he really my type these days? No, but I certainly wouldn't leave him out in the cold either.  Way to go, Mr. Schneider.  Now, can you give these other guys a few pointers?