lights, camera, not a whole lotta action

The people at work were very kind in asking me if I wanted to be a part of our latest promotional video. Hey - this would be a great opportunity to give me a little ego boost. These guys are total professionals and can make anyone look good, right? Right. So, I agreed.

It was the beginning of summer and supposed to be a winter video, so I donned a winter dress, tights and a sweater and sweltered in my office until it was time to go. I get into our lounge area where the first part of the shoot was taking place, sign my release form as "The Talent" and watch as 10-15 are-they-really-old-enough-to-drink-aged "men" and "women" entered and sat at the bar. The directors said they'd be placing us where they wanted us and then we'd begin. I sat there patiently as he moved the youngin's around the bar, seating them in couples and in believable looking groups of friends, then they turned to me. I was placed a little further back in the room at a table with one of our young interns.

We were told that we just had to relax and chit chat and they'd shoot around us. They placed a couple of glasses of wine and an appetizer on the table and we were good to go. (Wine? We get to drink and get paid for it? Can I always be "The Talent"?)

Swanky

Ugh! Chit chat with a perfect stranger does not come easy for me - the introvert. Chit chat is especially difficult when that person is almost 20 years younger than me. Fortunately, we found out that our families were in the same line of work and it gave us a bit of fodder for our "conversation". 

About 20 minutes into the shoot, they took some of the youngsters from the back of the room and moved them to the bar. This included my counterpart. Then they went on to shoot for another 30 minutes strategically avoiding my table. Not only was I left alone at a bar again, I was obviously being ignored. I felt like I was in my late teens/early twenties again, and not in the fun way. More like the low self esteem, what have I done wrong kind of way. Things were going downhill fast.

After they finished shooting in the bar, they had us move to the restaurant where we'd do more filming. I was placed at a table with a few "older" women who were supposed to look like we were there for a ladies' night out. Again, they put me at the outermost seat where they'd have no chance of getting my face in the shot. I was body filler.

It was me, two HR managers and an employee from Jamaica. There wasn't really much for us to talk about except work and how different things are in Wisconsin than they are in Jamaica, but no matter what we were talking about, it had to be hilarious. We had to laugh and smile and toast time after time after time, as the camera panned across our table to focus on the young attractive couple in the center of the restaurant. Yeah, I was not feeling festive. I was feeling old, ugly, and the smell of the plate of mussels that had been sitting on the table for the past hour was really starting to get to me. But there I was, having a ladies' night at 3pm drinking wine with my HR director. Woohoo!

Finally, we were dismissed. After downing the rest of the wine that was in my glass, I left the restaurant wondering why I had thought this would be a good idea. Well, other than the alcohol. That was definitely a plus.

I got over it. It was nice of them to want to include me and it was my own problem that I think of myself as being in my twenties until life slaps me upside the face and reminds me that I most certainly am not. Life went on.

The video was finally sent to us and I was able to be one of the first to watch it. Of course, my main goal was to see if I was ever even shown. For the most part, I was correct. Most shots were right around me, but not on me. You can see my hand, my back, my mouth from the side. But then there was one shot where you could actually see me. And then I understood why I was placed where I was.

I know you can barely see it, and that's totally fine. Believe me. When my hair grew back, it came in curly-ish. I had no idea what to do with it, so I just let it do whatever it wanted to. Looking at it from the front, it seemed to be okay, but seeing it from the side? Good lord. I look like the love child of He-Man and Little Orphan Annie!

Ok, creepy.

It was a wake up call. I had to do something! It wasn't long after my viewing of the video that I made a call to get my hair cut. Off went the curls and the waves that are left are straightened out, so that I'm looking more like my old self again. Yay!

Hi again, me!

So, I might not be 23 any more. Maybe I've added a few pounds (damn you, chemo) and my skin isn't as firm as it used to be. At least I'm back to being me again and feeling pretty ok about myself. I guess the video shoot ended up being an ego booster (in a very roundabout, backwards way) anyway! 

P.S. Since the video went public, my husband's watched it twice and still can't find me.